[ SK ] Blind Sighted

I've already touched base on movie adaptation of  " The Langoliers " in your previous post, so I'll dive right into the poem!

Blind Sighted

No better way to grab someone's attention than to use an oxymoron for a title!

" Advanced surveillance systems
permeated with desire
taking in the scenery "

And yet another way is to use smooth alliteration coupled with some kick-ass assonance! The 's' hisses in this stanza with 'surveillance' and ' systems '. The alliteration of that tumbles ( albeit gracefully ) into consonance with 'desire', and then bounces back to alliteration with 'scenery '. A ping pong of pleasant pronunciation across the tongue. I almost wanted to substitute ' taking in ' with 'absorbed 'to pick up some alliteration of the A; however, the t works so well with systems, as well as the short i - sys'tems' / in - not to mention ' matter ' in the next stanza.

Very cleverly done.

"Biological
matter comprising
complex machinery"

Here's where you pull the alliteration of the 'B' from the title into the second stanza. And just look at that divine rhyme between scenery and machinery. Scenery seems to be a magic word for you in this poem. I've already mentioned 'matter' in my previous comment, so will point out the alliteration of comprising / complex ( throw in the half-rhyme of comprise / desire ) and you have a waterfall of phonics that's a delight to read ( particularly aloud ).

" Alive

but to what extent

and for how long? "

'Advanced' / 'comprised' / 'Alive' - see how these play as musical notes on a scale of sound? The lyrical quality of the ' i ' assonance and 'A' alliteration, not to mention half-rhymes form and unbreakable melody in the spaces of this accentuation.

"Strip away gift of Sight
Leave us in the dark to worry
What else could go wrong?"

'Strip / gift / Sight - I don't know what excited me more! The continuation of that divine ' i ' assonance or the alliteration of ' S '? Or perhaps it's both together! I only know that it's a joy to read out loud! I would recommend italicizing " What else could go wrong? "  

You break phonics format here with L 2 / 3 of this stanza - the mood becomes more solemn - the musical scale has shifted to the sad part of the composition. The deep notes underlying the mid-high tones.

"Dependent upon whatever senses remain

Missing from Life's song
a melodic refrain"

' Sight / remain / refrain ' - you're absolutely brilliant with sounds. The way you combine alliteration and assonance / consonance is remarkable. The long ' i ' assonance - the ' s' consonance, the ' L ' - the ' e ' the ' a ' - all play integral roles in the smooth delivery of stanza tying in both the previous and ensuing ones. The only suggestion I have would be a semi after ' song ' to tie the couplet together.

" Living within fences of sub-atomic particles
camouflaged in the grandest disguise "

Sheesh. Now I feel like I'm repeating myself, but it appears you've completely mastered the elements of poetry regarding sound, e.g. - Onomatopoeia, Alliteration, Repetition, Assonance, Consonance, and Rhyme Scheme. I'm unsure what it is about this one particularly, but I can't seem to find anything to suggest ( with the exception of the few mentions above ). Grandest / disguise is divine! And I love how ' Living ' pulls ' Life ' in from the previous stanza to accentuate the verb of the noun.

" Every now and then
slipping through the knotholes

seeing the world through Spirit Eyes "

' knotholes ' - what imagery that one word produces - especially at the end of the poem. As though all meaning, sound, and dance slips through the knothole of Spirit Eyes - Sheesh.

This is a beautifully composed poem. Everything is right on the money except the two minute suggestions I had. And, even those could be considered personal preferences verse formal necessities.

Another page a flip of the book closer!

Brava! 💜

"This is a beautifully composed poem. Everything is right on the money except the two minute suggestions I had. And, even those could be considered personal preferences verse formal necessities."  
 
I take your personal preferences very seriously, because you are always keenly tuned into every poem you comment on. And these were right on the money as usual. 💜

Advanced surveillance systems
permeated with desire
taking in the scenery

"And yet another way is to use smooth alliteration coupled with some kick-ass assonance! The 's' hisses in this stanza with 'surveillance' and ' systems '. The alliteration of that tumbles ( albeit gracefully ) into consonance with 'desire', and then bounces back to alliteration with 'scenery '. A ping pong of pleasant pronunciation across the tongue. I almost wanted to substitute ' taking in ' with 'absorbed 'to pick up some alliteration of the A; however, the t works so well with systems, as well as the short i - sys'tems' / in - not to mention ' matter ' in the next stanza."

Advanced surveillance systems
permeated with desire
absorbing the scenery

It seems it could go either way.  The "z" sound in "systems" and "absorbing" also works well together.

But then you would lose the consonance of t with " matter " into the next stanza?

Ah, yes ......That's why I just write these things. You hear and grasp so much more than I do. 💜

💜