Infected memories

Darkness consumed me
The voices control me
Bathe in the blood of depression and misery
I'm cold and there is no hope
Numb no feeling I cut my throat
Smiling wide it gushes and flows
Spilling on the streets the place I called home
Family
Never really had any
I would watch dad's playing catch with there sons
Wishing mine  was here and not dead
Seeing Mom's protecting their Cubs  
When they scraped there knees she gave them kisses and hugs
Mine was strung out shooting meth and getting fucked
Slowing the world turned me
From just a sad teen
To a violent self loathing psychopath
With assaults gun and drug charges to match
Years behind bars just trained me
Giving me more sociopathic tendencies
And patience to manipulate plot and plan more felonies
Always looking for an opportunity
You think you're safe but I'll take from you easily
Brutality
 ruthless and methodically but I'll sleep like a baby
The things I've done most never heard or seen
Things that would leave you shaking
Trembling begging
But no one will hear your muffled screams
Besides all it does is pleasure me
Getting on my bad side is unhealthy
That switch inside even scares me
It's why I lay low from society
They have nothing I need people are disgusting to me
There Parasites diseased and infected lacking pride and loyalty
I'd rather be alone
I don't trust anybody even me
I fight with myself constantly
Boxing the demons that live in me
I grab my head trying to shake out all the memories
Yelling out loud get the fuck away from me
I'm sick I suffer from PTSD
And this flashback is controlling me
Which personality do you want to see
I have so many masks I use on the daily
There's so many layers you will never see
You will never be able to see the core of me
You're weak and closed minded
Eating caviar off silver platers
You've never cut arteries
You've never been starving
You've never held your friend while he bled to death crying
You've never known being nothing..
You've never known me
You can't handle the darkness in me
Nobody can
Like an animal I'm wild and free
Try to tame me and you will see
I'm a Savage so just let me be
There's nothing inside worth saving
I was lost long ago
I'm just an illusion
A ghost in a shell
But keep pushing my buttons
And I will drag you to hell.