deepundergroundpoetry.com

My Penis 5.5

(i)

My Scottish Penis

My penis is free
For all to see
For you from me
For her or he
It hangs to my knee
From whence I pee
Erect is the key
Stiff as a tree
A gift for your glee
I am sure you’ll agree
My penis is a must see
Cleaned of all debris
A satisfaction guarantee
It’s care free
It’s doubt free
It’s worry free
It’s fancy free
Shit! It’s even fat free
It’s always scot-free
Meaning there is a small fee
To cover my penis expenses

(ii)

My Zombie Penis

Many people have enjoyed My Penis
Some on a regular basis
Some once and a while
Their loss of my penis
Causes me concern
So I now carry a card
And in the event of my death
My penis will be donated
To some deserving case
A man with no penis
He will be thrilled to have
My Penis I’m sure
Thanks in no small part
To my Organ Bonner Card

(iii)

My Historical Penis

In the year 2000 I bought a packet of three condoms
It is the year 2017 and I still have two left
My Penis hasn’t seen action since Normandy
I can’t remember its last cock fight
Might have been with Dick Cheney
My face has been slapped more
For that matter so has my ass
Queen Victoria was the last one to suck it
And she was definitely not amused
My erections are like Chinese elections
About once every four years
Last time I had an erection I thought
I was dying and rigor mortis had set in
Last time I got an erection I thought
It was only for pissing over high walls
The last time my penis got any attention
It was only because I took it out at a funeral
I also took it out to the movie house
And took it out for a walk on a lead
Like an obedient sausage dog
The last time I came was Christmas 1901
Dressed as Santa Clause down the chimney
Those good at math will be thinking – but wait!
Between 2000 and 2017 you used one condom
And as you rightly point out, that is true; but;
I put it on my thumb
And stuck it up my bum
This action was ineffectual
Apparently I am not a Bi-Sexual


(iv)

Pet Names for My Penis

Hairy Hamish
Dick Spurting
Yoghurt fountain
Sammy Splatter
Tummy Banana
Donald Fuck
Porky Pigmeat
Salty MacMilkshake
Fanny Fucker
Commander Girth
General Fleshtube
President Panty Sniffer
Old Yellar (yeast infection)
Simple Simon Stiffy
Scrooge MacFuck
Ball Central
All Night Poker
Woody Big Pecker
Beefy Python
Prick Teaser
Willie Wanker
Bishop Bashir
Jimmeny Lickit
Kula Shaker Baby Maker
And of course Donald Hump


(V)

My Penis Superstar

She was Marlyn Munroe
A real and staggering beauty
She had it all – almost
An hour glass figure
Two large, pert breasts
Legs up to her ass
Oh! And what an ass
Such a sexy smile
Hot red pouting lips
Such a sexy voice
All breathless like
Pretty blonde hair
A woman to die for

But let’s be honest
Not the sharpest pencil in the box
Not to good on smarts
Sadly as bright as a blackout
At school she was the head girl
The head girl at giving head
So dense she dropped out of kindergarten
I would go so far as to say
The smartest thing that
Ever came from her mouth
Was My Penis
Written by David_Macleod (14397816)
Published
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