My Penis 5.3

 
(i)
Work damn it  
 
My penis is not working
Even when I see you twirking
And when you give me a lap dance
Nothing happens in my pants
I loved to watch your striptease
Now in my loins there’s unease
You won’t get no satisfaction
My penis lacks any reaction
Lesbian porn, the latest copy
Still; I end up with a floppy
 
 
(ii)  
Shake
 
My dick shake
Brings all the girls to the yard
Damn right
It’s fitting in yours
Damn right  
You’re sitting on mine
I could fuck you
But you’d need to wash
 
My man milk
Brings all the girls, open mouthed
Damn right
They swallow or spit
Damn right
They can’t take it all in
I’ll squirt you if I get the chance
 
 
(iii)
 
My Penis Desires  
 
I used to be quite good at sex
But now I only feel perplexed
 
I used to be beefcake in the bedroom
Now I provide nothing but doom
 
Anything would be good for humping
Now I’m only good for dumping
 
My erections were hard and lofty
Now I can’t even thumb in a softie
 
Sex with singles, sex with groups
Now I’ve got worse than brewer’s droop
 
No matter how much sexual attention
I just can't manage to get an erection
 
I’ve tried all pills, I’ve tried all potions
I’ve tried rubbing it with various lotions
 
Internet porn, I’ve tried all that
From man on man to creampie twat
 
From S & M to sex with sheep
But still my cock is fast asleep
 
It feels like I’ve been left on the shelf
I can’t get it up to do it to myself
 
I’m giving up, there’s too much grief
All you ladies can sigh with relief
 
I’ve no need for loving or affection
When my only desire is to get an erection
 
 
(iv)
 
Penis Friend
 
My Penis is my best friend
But he doesn’t like me taking the piss
Unless my blood sugars are high
He looks smart in his turtle neck sweater
He loves playing pranks on me
Like becoming erect in the wrong places
In my black Speedos at the beach
Bulging in my kilt at a funeral
On the train to work, standing room only
Watching monkeys at the zoo
When it comes to erections, he’s the boss
He sometimes plays dead
No amount of rubbing is  
Gonna make him cum too
He doesn’t like it when I
Dress him in a flavoured rubber
He says he can’t breathe
He doesn’t like the taste
He’s scared of the tongue
He’s scared of the teeth
And he’s scared of the dark
Especially when he’s drowning
In his own vomit
 
(v)
 
My penis is sad
 
My penis is sad
Some what depressed
Even my balls
His closest friends
Can’t cheer him up
It’s like he’s given up
Getting himself up
According to my ass hole
My penis feels inadequate
And if he had one wish
He’d want to be a black one