deepundergroundpoetry.com
[ SK ] Welcome to Castle Rock
Small Town, Maine
Fulfilling consumer need
dealing antiquities up the block
---taking away each ache and pain
with a granting of earthly desire
You only need do me a favor;
be a willing stooge for hire
A harmless prank or two
What ... or should I ask, who
could it possibly harm?
I don't make the rules
choosing only to suffer fools
eager to pay fees for the luster
and charm of these things
too precious to live without
Do you doubt
the authenticity of my
merchandise?
More valuable than you can imagine;
definitely worth its weight in vice
Ha!
Lets get down to business
No need for haggling over price
I'll be nice and make it simple
Be a willing stooge for hire;
you only need do me a favor
Doesn't take very long
for addiction to manifest
It's no surprise you require a Savior
Weak, stupid, and blind
same as the rest of Humankind
Nothing more than
menaces to your own societies
eager to pay fees for the luster
and charm of these things
too precious to live without
Published 24th Aug 2017
| Edited 27th Oct 2021
Author's Note
inspired by Stephen King's "Needful Things"
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 804
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Aug 2017 8:53pm
24th Aug 2017 9:01pm
I pulled this one right out of my ass like a rabbit from a magician's hat. 💜
Braggart. [nonsense]
A sinister poem reflecting perfectly the essence of the story. What price are we willing to pay for materlialism that we believe to be invaluable ( despite living without it up to that point ).
This personifies evil in the worst way: greed and tangibly false belief becoming addictive to exist.
My first reaction was the ending repetition
too precious to live without
It sank like an echo . . . and to me reflected the never-ending story of temptation and greed thriving wherever it was accepted.
There were more caps in this than I'm used to seeing in your work:
You only need do me a favor
Be a willing stooge for hire
I'm thinking would be better semi'd?
A harmless prank or two
What ... or should I ask
Who could it possibly harm?
I would recommend italicizing the question.
I don't make the rules
Choosing only to suffer fools
eager to pay the fees
for the luster and charm of these
What do you think about a space between L1 & 2? Do you really need 'the' in L3? Could rewrite L3 & 4 as such:
eager to pay fees for the
luster and charm of these
That would omit the extra 'the' while maintaining the 'th' consonance following the alliteration of fees / for / throw of in there for consonance ad well. A musical chair of dance.
'Do you doubt
the authenticity of my merchandise?
'More valuable than you can imagine
Definitely worth its weight in vice'
I Love these two couplets. 💜
I want to semi the latter.
See, another trademark of your work is the half / rhyme throughout stanzas that make it impossible to alter or suggest anything without disruption a sequence of rhythm and flow. Take the below:
Ha!
Lets get down to business
No need for haggling over the price
I'll be nice and make it simple
Be a willing stooge for hire
You only need do me a favor
Doesn't take very long
for addiction to manifest
It's no surprise you require a Savior
See how manifest pulls in business and price from L2 & 3? Then nice in 4? And how Savior anchors favor? Each word is meticulously placed, so before I ever suggest anything in your work, I feel like I have to chart a chess game back to its origin of move!
Weak, stupid and blind
same as the rest of Humankind
Nothing more than
menaces to your own societies
eager to pay the fees
for the luster and charm of these
things too precious to live without
What a moral slamming of the gavel in this final judgment. And again, the echo . . . indication of continuation beyond hearing and sight. Another town; another test.
Angels are unawares among us; thus are demons. This is a haunting poem reflecting more than just King's story ( as all your are ); however, for some reason this one delved deeper into the root of evil vs psychological manifestations of repression like 'What are the Odds'.
This doesn't necessarily paint evil as evil, but humans fertilized by the seed of materialistic greed they've watered themselves. Left me feeling bottomed-out in contemplation ( a good thing ).
You keep pulling these out of your ass like this and you'll have a book by Christmas! 💜
A sinister poem reflecting perfectly the essence of the story. What price are we willing to pay for materlialism that we believe to be invaluable ( despite living without it up to that point ).
This personifies evil in the worst way: greed and tangibly false belief becoming addictive to exist.
My first reaction was the ending repetition
too precious to live without
It sank like an echo . . . and to me reflected the never-ending story of temptation and greed thriving wherever it was accepted.
There were more caps in this than I'm used to seeing in your work:
You only need do me a favor
Be a willing stooge for hire
I'm thinking would be better semi'd?
A harmless prank or two
What ... or should I ask
Who could it possibly harm?
I would recommend italicizing the question.
I don't make the rules
Choosing only to suffer fools
eager to pay the fees
for the luster and charm of these
What do you think about a space between L1 & 2? Do you really need 'the' in L3? Could rewrite L3 & 4 as such:
eager to pay fees for the
luster and charm of these
That would omit the extra 'the' while maintaining the 'th' consonance following the alliteration of fees / for / throw of in there for consonance ad well. A musical chair of dance.
'Do you doubt
the authenticity of my merchandise?
'More valuable than you can imagine
Definitely worth its weight in vice'
I Love these two couplets. 💜
I want to semi the latter.
See, another trademark of your work is the half / rhyme throughout stanzas that make it impossible to alter or suggest anything without disruption a sequence of rhythm and flow. Take the below:
Ha!
Lets get down to business
No need for haggling over the price
I'll be nice and make it simple
Be a willing stooge for hire
You only need do me a favor
Doesn't take very long
for addiction to manifest
It's no surprise you require a Savior
See how manifest pulls in business and price from L2 & 3? Then nice in 4? And how Savior anchors favor? Each word is meticulously placed, so before I ever suggest anything in your work, I feel like I have to chart a chess game back to its origin of move!
Weak, stupid and blind
same as the rest of Humankind
Nothing more than
menaces to your own societies
eager to pay the fees
for the luster and charm of these
things too precious to live without
What a moral slamming of the gavel in this final judgment. And again, the echo . . . indication of continuation beyond hearing and sight. Another town; another test.
Angels are unawares among us; thus are demons. This is a haunting poem reflecting more than just King's story ( as all your are ); however, for some reason this one delved deeper into the root of evil vs psychological manifestations of repression like 'What are the Odds'.
This doesn't necessarily paint evil as evil, but humans fertilized by the seed of materialistic greed they've watered themselves. Left me feeling bottomed-out in contemplation ( a good thing ).
You keep pulling these out of your ass like this and you'll have a book by Christmas! 💜
Your suggested edits are right on the money.
"See, another trademark of your work is the half / rhyme throughout stanzas that make it impossible to alter or suggest anything without disruption a sequence of rhythm and flow. Take the below:
[.....]
See how manifest pulls in business and price from L2 & 3? Then nice in 4? And how Savior anchors favor? Each word is meticulously placed, so before I ever suggest anything in your work, I feel like I have to chart a chess game back to its origin of move!"
I go a bit rhyme crazy sometimes and then I'm constantly rearranging the lines to see what works best where, then adding in more rhyme along the way.
Needful Things was one of those stories that I was incapable of putting down. It had momentum right from the start and it kept building, in the same way that the town of Castle Rock went to hell in a hand basket.
What I find interesting are the parallels between this story and 'Salem's Lot - the eccentric antiquities dealer moving into town and within days, everyone is at each other's throats.
💜
"See, another trademark of your work is the half / rhyme throughout stanzas that make it impossible to alter or suggest anything without disruption a sequence of rhythm and flow. Take the below:
[.....]
See how manifest pulls in business and price from L2 & 3? Then nice in 4? And how Savior anchors favor? Each word is meticulously placed, so before I ever suggest anything in your work, I feel like I have to chart a chess game back to its origin of move!"
I go a bit rhyme crazy sometimes and then I'm constantly rearranging the lines to see what works best where, then adding in more rhyme along the way.
Needful Things was one of those stories that I was incapable of putting down. It had momentum right from the start and it kept building, in the same way that the town of Castle Rock went to hell in a hand basket.
What I find interesting are the parallels between this story and 'Salem's Lot - the eccentric antiquities dealer moving into town and within days, everyone is at each other's throats.
💜
I'm glad I could be of some use. This series is very special to me. I want to see it to fruition and beyond. It'll be interesting to see how you compile them in the book.
I mean will you do a chapter for each book with the respective poems under it? Or will you categorize them per genre ( though that will be difficult to do with King, considering the majority of his fall into Horror.
"I go a bit rhyme crazy sometimes and then I'm constantly rearranging the lines to see what works best where, then adding in more rhyme along the way."
That's actually brilliant. I think we should view poetry as the way we do a sculpture: start with one slab of clay or marble, then chip away until perfected.
"What I find interesting are the parallels between this story and 'Salem's Lot - the eccentric antiquities dealer moving into town and within days, everyone is at each other's throats."
Evil has a way of manifesting as manipulation. Don't You feel it all comes down to trust? I remember hearing something about an acquaintance once and thinking, no way. I was shocked when others so quickly jumped on the judgment bandwagon. Horrified, actually. People too easily believe what they hear without reasoning with it. Imho. 💜
I mean will you do a chapter for each book with the respective poems under it? Or will you categorize them per genre ( though that will be difficult to do with King, considering the majority of his fall into Horror.
"I go a bit rhyme crazy sometimes and then I'm constantly rearranging the lines to see what works best where, then adding in more rhyme along the way."
That's actually brilliant. I think we should view poetry as the way we do a sculpture: start with one slab of clay or marble, then chip away until perfected.
"What I find interesting are the parallels between this story and 'Salem's Lot - the eccentric antiquities dealer moving into town and within days, everyone is at each other's throats."
Evil has a way of manifesting as manipulation. Don't You feel it all comes down to trust? I remember hearing something about an acquaintance once and thinking, no way. I was shocked when others so quickly jumped on the judgment bandwagon. Horrified, actually. People too easily believe what they hear without reasoning with it. Imho. 💜
You have been invaluable. 💜
Not with just this poem. All of them you had the time to comment on. There's very few you haven't.
My plan for the book is to put the poems in no particular order. Then let the reader find out at the end which books the poems were inspired from. I'm hoping that the King fans will automatically recognize which was inspired by which. And that those new to King will run out to the store for King's books and movies based on the interest in them I was able to generate.
Not with just this poem. All of them you had the time to comment on. There's very few you haven't.
My plan for the book is to put the poems in no particular order. Then let the reader find out at the end which books the poems were inspired from. I'm hoping that the King fans will automatically recognize which was inspired by which. And that those new to King will run out to the store for King's books and movies based on the interest in them I was able to generate.
"Not with just this poem. All of them you had the time to comment on. There's very few you haven't."
LOL! Is that a 'nudge' [nonsense]
"My plan for the book is to put the poems in no particular order. Then let the reader find out at the end which books the poems were inspired from. I'm hoping that the King fans will automatically recognize which was inspired by which. And that those new to King will run out to the store for King's books and movies based on the interest in them I was able to generate."
That's a fabulous idea! You've already had that response here! 💜
LOL! Is that a 'nudge' [nonsense]
"My plan for the book is to put the poems in no particular order. Then let the reader find out at the end which books the poems were inspired from. I'm hoping that the King fans will automatically recognize which was inspired by which. And that those new to King will run out to the store for King's books and movies based on the interest in them I was able to generate."
That's a fabulous idea! You've already had that response here! 💜
25th Aug 2017 4:31am
very cool... it inspired me to look up the story - King's first novel written after his rehabilitation from drugs and alcohol... nicely done
