deepundergroundpoetry.com
[ SK ] 7.20.63
A day unlike any other day;
spectacle in the sky
witnessed by the nation
---residents of Little Tall
admiring from far away
while she ran towards
what seemed her only
Salvation
My, how it blotted
out the mind's
eye, surpassing all
other exit strategies in
her imagination---
dry well that it was
Heart totally eclipsed
by his insidious cruelties
stranding her on this island
Living Hell on Earth
because for what it's worth,
Husbands do have accidents sometimes
Published 21st Aug 2017
| Edited 27th Oct 2021
Author's Note
inspired by Stephen King's "Dolores Claiborne"
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 736
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Aug 2017 1:26am
You're the only person I've ever met that captures the essence of King in poetry. This is no exception. "Delores Claiborne" is one of my favorite King stories.
I saw it back in the 90's the first time, and have revisited several times since, and will more. That should tell you what I think of it right there, as I reserve that honor for very few movies in my library.
I couldn't figure out why I was so drawn to
it at first. Except for the actors & actresses, it's not a special effects wonder or even a work of art ( not that it should be, as any such would detract from the acting ). But, as I kept re-watching, I realized it's a masterpiece of story-telling placing chapters in a maze that you keep uncovering, even in the dead ended tunnels.
I Love how it revealed itself in small increments of bread crumbs that keep you following willingly. It's a story you can only let go when through the maze ( Selena's last flashback) to the other side and see clearly again.
The most fascinating thing to me were all the remarkably repulsive characters! Not just one or two but ALL of them! How they transform into sympathetic ones is a King trademark and brilliance.
Everything was perfect about this film. Actors ( especially Cathy Bates, As I feel like it was her best-ever performance, especially in the flashback scenes ), director, screenwriter, ALL captured the essence of "Dolores Claiborne". OMG.
Now, let's look at your poem from my perspective;
7.20.63
Firstly, the title is apocalyptic. It's so synonymous of a King film with it's forbiding tone.
A day unlike any day
under spectacle in the sky
witnessed by the nation
Your trademark half-rhymes and assonance shine here through the "a" ( right from the start ), and "u", followed by the consonance of "n" ( unlike / under ). They make beautiful music together while the "s" carries the beat. Especially the "s" sound of the "t" in "nation".
Here's where it gets interesting. You use "day" twice ( in the same line! ) and "the" twice in a tercet. And it works! I typically go insane about that; however, it flies seamlessly and is unnoticeable.
Residents of Little Tall
looking up and far away
"Little Tall looking up" is a great double entendre of contradiction, i. e. - tall looking up. The "l" and "t" make an absolutely delightful pair of consonance co-conspirators, enabling the tongue to skip right through this couplet.
"while she ran towards
what seemed her only
Salvation"
while / what
she / seemed
Salvation
Crikey at the rhythm of consonance two-steppin' before that one word line of Salvation dips for the finale.
"My, how it blotted out the mind's
eye, surpassing all
other exit strategies in
her imagination; a dry well"
Bloody hell at the double-entendre of dry well. Jesus. Not to mention the first aired of each line drops into the other like a . . oop! Dry well.
Heart
already totally eclipsed
by his insidious cruelties
stranding her on this island
Living Hell on Earth
Okay mastery of wordplay and skill aside. . .this. . .THIS right here is where it gets interesting. Because it's this juncture that the maze alters to highlight the bitterness from the poisoned soil of root cause.
"For what it's worth ...
Husbands do have accidents sometimes"
"And they leave you all their money."
Boom. I Love Vera Donovan's perspective ( Judy Parfitt was amazing ). And how you ended with the implantation of concept origin, from, ironically, the same person who had committed it herself.
That friendship scene between the two played out like an ancient sisterhood in which womanly secrets were passed down. That is exactly the essence this poem captures in the impact of its brevity.
The pivoting point of selected change being brought out of the darkness of history to be replayed. There's no telling how many husbands have met similar fates as these . . . spine-chilling, and
True King once again.
I saw it back in the 90's the first time, and have revisited several times since, and will more. That should tell you what I think of it right there, as I reserve that honor for very few movies in my library.
I couldn't figure out why I was so drawn to
it at first. Except for the actors & actresses, it's not a special effects wonder or even a work of art ( not that it should be, as any such would detract from the acting ). But, as I kept re-watching, I realized it's a masterpiece of story-telling placing chapters in a maze that you keep uncovering, even in the dead ended tunnels.
I Love how it revealed itself in small increments of bread crumbs that keep you following willingly. It's a story you can only let go when through the maze ( Selena's last flashback) to the other side and see clearly again.
The most fascinating thing to me were all the remarkably repulsive characters! Not just one or two but ALL of them! How they transform into sympathetic ones is a King trademark and brilliance.
Everything was perfect about this film. Actors ( especially Cathy Bates, As I feel like it was her best-ever performance, especially in the flashback scenes ), director, screenwriter, ALL captured the essence of "Dolores Claiborne". OMG.
Now, let's look at your poem from my perspective;
7.20.63
Firstly, the title is apocalyptic. It's so synonymous of a King film with it's forbiding tone.
A day unlike any day
under spectacle in the sky
witnessed by the nation
Your trademark half-rhymes and assonance shine here through the "a" ( right from the start ), and "u", followed by the consonance of "n" ( unlike / under ). They make beautiful music together while the "s" carries the beat. Especially the "s" sound of the "t" in "nation".
Here's where it gets interesting. You use "day" twice ( in the same line! ) and "the" twice in a tercet. And it works! I typically go insane about that; however, it flies seamlessly and is unnoticeable.
Residents of Little Tall
looking up and far away
"Little Tall looking up" is a great double entendre of contradiction, i. e. - tall looking up. The "l" and "t" make an absolutely delightful pair of consonance co-conspirators, enabling the tongue to skip right through this couplet.
"while she ran towards
what seemed her only
Salvation"
while / what
she / seemed
Salvation
Crikey at the rhythm of consonance two-steppin' before that one word line of Salvation dips for the finale.
"My, how it blotted out the mind's
eye, surpassing all
other exit strategies in
her imagination; a dry well"
Bloody hell at the double-entendre of dry well. Jesus. Not to mention the first aired of each line drops into the other like a . . oop! Dry well.
Heart
already totally eclipsed
by his insidious cruelties
stranding her on this island
Living Hell on Earth
Okay mastery of wordplay and skill aside. . .this. . .THIS right here is where it gets interesting. Because it's this juncture that the maze alters to highlight the bitterness from the poisoned soil of root cause.
"For what it's worth ...
Husbands do have accidents sometimes"
"And they leave you all their money."
Boom. I Love Vera Donovan's perspective ( Judy Parfitt was amazing ). And how you ended with the implantation of concept origin, from, ironically, the same person who had committed it herself.
That friendship scene between the two played out like an ancient sisterhood in which womanly secrets were passed down. That is exactly the essence this poem captures in the impact of its brevity.
The pivoting point of selected change being brought out of the darkness of history to be replayed. There's no telling how many husbands have met similar fates as these . . . spine-chilling, and
True King once again.
22nd Aug 2017 2:03am
As par for the course, your critiques are breathlessly thorough. You know you are dealing with a serious Poeteer when her comments dwarf the poem itself. I'm always blown away how you notice things I'm not aware of, like assonance and consonance.
It's been a while since I've seen the movie. Or read the book, which admittably I wanted to pull my hair out until page 50 when the story-telling pace picked up.
It's been a while since I've seen the movie. Or read the book, which admittably I wanted to pull my hair out until page 50 when the story-telling pace picked up.
22nd Aug 2017 2:04am
22nd Aug 2017 2:07am
💜 Is there any reason why my paragraph spaces always disappear from my comments? I always end up with a solid block of text that I have to modify.
OMG! SO romantic! Dreamy Text Blocks. 💜💜💜💜💜
I reported that twice; it's very annoying.
I reported that twice; it's very annoying.
22nd Aug 2017 2:11am
I can imagine with the enormity of your comments! Maybe we should just triple space?
22nd Aug 2017 2:13am
22nd Aug 2017 11:10pm
It reminds me of the hell that goes on behind closed doors on abusive or dysfunctional homes. Well done.
23rd Aug 2017 1:53am
