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A Sunken Ship

I stood there peering at him, and I said nothing. The kind of nothing that meant everything, and something, all in the same breath. 

Something, deep within, shifted.

In his eyes, there was no recollection of what transpired between us in the orchard that day. 

A galaxy of words could've tumbled from my lips and cut him into a thousand pieces but I chose to say nothing because something deep within me, had just broken.

And that, was that.

I smelt her, all over him. He reeked of another womans cunt. He knew it, and I knew it the moment he leant in to kiss me, and I turned my face the other way as I inhaled the scent of her again.

The look within his eyes, said it all. I looked at him with grief written all over my face and he cupped my head within his hands, and the tears escaped from my amber flecked eyes.

He was nonchalant that I turned the other cheek, but deep down, he knew it was never going to be the same.

I wasn't ever going to be the same girl he chased through the vineyard, and through the lined orchards on the edges of our property that Spring.

No, I wasn't the same girl that lay wrapped in his arms underneath the sunlight as our children were off in the distance giggling, and gorging themselves on delicious crispy apples that we'd picked together just moments before. 

I wasn't mad at him because that's who he was deep down, he paraded that part of himself as if his big thick hard monstrous cock was an attraction in a fun park.

I guess, that's what drew me into his arms, in the first instance. He never lied to me about who he was because he showed his true colors, time and time again.

I loved him beyond his flaws, harder and deeper, each time we stumbled to solidify ourselves within the depths of one another. 

And then, I felt nothing and the nothingness consumed all the goodness we once shared.

Just like that, at the flick of a switch.

I looked upon him intently for months on end, and I tried to forgive his indiscretion until the realisation of his unspoken truths seeped into my bones, disturbing any sense of inner peace I once balanced myself upon.

It's a fine line between love and hate when the truth and lies, collide.

He traded my heart for something he couldn't afford to lose, and he accumulated 18 years of debt all in the same event, and that's the moment my heart tendered him, with an eviction notice. 

He cried, and I lied... when I said that I was OK.

Hearts aren't meant to be ripped out, and dragged through the dirt. Years later,  I drove past that flourishing property, and a million memories invaded my senses, and I was taken right back to those days.

If only I wasn't so fiesty and full of pride, we may have learned to live with the little life he created, with someone else.

Come to think of it, I don't think I would've been able to cope with that tiny flashing neon light on my radar.

I'm not that strong, and I'm not cut from the cloth of forgiveness. I'm a savage, when it comes to betrayal.

He had to hurt me, to appreciate what he had in me, and I had to feel that pain to know that I was made of stardust and slivers of his lust & passion, for power.

I certainly won't be making that same mistake again.

No.

Never. Ever. Again.

Well. Not with him, anyway...
Written by shadow_starzzz
Published
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