No Laughing Matter---for the Just Lose It Comp

 
She looked me straight in the eye
Happily she picked my good eye
And with that smug look on her face
She said “You’re no fun anymore!”
“You used to be funny, acting stupid.”
“You’re no longer the man I married.”
This hit me like a punch in the guts
With stress and worry to drive me nuts

I pulled a funny face, told her a joke
Did a silly walk, did a crazy dance
Pulled down my pants, showed her my ass
Turned around and gave it a wiggle
Normally the would have made her giggle
But she stood there with the long face
Not a giggle, not a laugh. Not a grin
She didn’t even try to crack a smile

‘Shit! This was really serious stuff.’
Was this twenty years of marriage over
My heart and my mind both raced
Contemplating being dumped, rejected
Being single, unloved and neglected
Panic was replaced with a light bulb moment
‘If she wants crazy, I’ll give her crazy.’
‘I’m still funny, hell I make myself laugh.’

She was working in a posh department store
I had to make her laugh and yell for more
And so I hatched a cunning plan
To become her crazy funny man

I invaded dressed as a Caribbean pirate
Jumping from counter to counter
Swashbuckling the mannequins
“Anyone want a jolly rogering?”
Nobody saw the funny side
But she was belly laughing
I was escorted out by security

I entered the store like a cat walk model
Dressed to the nines in high drag
High heels and a crocodile bag
I stood in front of her counter
Both hands pushed my breasts up
“These puppies are bought and paid for darlings.”
I lifted my dress and showed them my ass
Nobody saw the funny side
But she was belly laughing
I was escorted out by security

The final straw dressed as a chicken
Told them I was finger lickin
Clucked around the store, pecking
All the staff came to see me, I shouted,
“I am a hen, would you all like to see my cock?”
Two police men arrived and arrested my
Then did their strip tease routine
They were two of my friends, I joined in
I have never seen her laugh so much
We were escorted out by security

“It’s great you’ve got your mojo back.”
“The jokes, the fun, the laughs, the crack.”
“You’re back to the guy you used to be.”
I was feeling now as bold as brass
I gave a wink and kicked her ass
She laughed