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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Without You
Without you I am shy.
Without you I am nothing.
Without you I die inside,
Without you I am struggling.
Without you I can feel,
The painful memories are endless.
Without you I dont want to live,
I may as well just end this.
Am I a bad person?
Maybe.
When Im high I dont feel like ive failed my babies.
I forget the insecurities and memories that plague me.
But, without you I cannot deal,
With the realities of life.
Without you and i feel every ounce of the fear inside.
Without you I can tell that what im doing isn't right.
Without you I can't leave my bed,
Im shaking, sweating and convulsing
I writhe in pain
I need you
I hate you but I love you
I say as I guide the needle inside
Pull back the plunger
Watch the blood fill the tube
Push it down
Instant pleasure and then the vomit ensues
I hate myself for needing you
I hate that this is what ive become
I dont want you anymore I scream
As I pick up the phone
I call up my old buddy
And he brings me more of you
Im broke I cannot pay
What's a girl to do?
He offers me a free one if I just come suck his Dick
I clean his house instead because im not his fucking bitch
Not that ive never been there
Im not perfect this is true
But, what's a girl to do when heroin has a grip on you.
Finally ive had enough
I find my way to NA
I shiver as I walk into the doors of that damned place
I think they'll never help me
Nothing can save me now
You've got me where you want me
And there is only one way out
But, I give my life to God and I give him all my troubles
Now, without you I can breathe again
Im not caught up in your bubble
I can go out and not seek you
I can enjoy my life once more
All because I walked through that NA door.
I find myself smiling and I find myself able to enjoy
The little things I had taken for granted
I miss my little boys
But, ill just keep on waiting for the day of the good Lords choice
One day if he is willing
I will see my baby boys
Until then ill be waiting
And bettering my life
Getting right with Jesus
My relationship growing stronger with him each night
I can talk to him forever
After I listen for his guidance
A spiritual malady I they called it
An allergy to some
Ive learned that my disease is one my heart can overcome
Without you I am stronger
Without you I proclaim
I may still be sick
But, im getting better every day
Without you I am nothing.
Without you I die inside,
Without you I am struggling.
Without you I can feel,
The painful memories are endless.
Without you I dont want to live,
I may as well just end this.
Am I a bad person?
Maybe.
When Im high I dont feel like ive failed my babies.
I forget the insecurities and memories that plague me.
But, without you I cannot deal,
With the realities of life.
Without you and i feel every ounce of the fear inside.
Without you I can tell that what im doing isn't right.
Without you I can't leave my bed,
Im shaking, sweating and convulsing
I writhe in pain
I need you
I hate you but I love you
I say as I guide the needle inside
Pull back the plunger
Watch the blood fill the tube
Push it down
Instant pleasure and then the vomit ensues
I hate myself for needing you
I hate that this is what ive become
I dont want you anymore I scream
As I pick up the phone
I call up my old buddy
And he brings me more of you
Im broke I cannot pay
What's a girl to do?
He offers me a free one if I just come suck his Dick
I clean his house instead because im not his fucking bitch
Not that ive never been there
Im not perfect this is true
But, what's a girl to do when heroin has a grip on you.
Finally ive had enough
I find my way to NA
I shiver as I walk into the doors of that damned place
I think they'll never help me
Nothing can save me now
You've got me where you want me
And there is only one way out
But, I give my life to God and I give him all my troubles
Now, without you I can breathe again
Im not caught up in your bubble
I can go out and not seek you
I can enjoy my life once more
All because I walked through that NA door.
I find myself smiling and I find myself able to enjoy
The little things I had taken for granted
I miss my little boys
But, ill just keep on waiting for the day of the good Lords choice
One day if he is willing
I will see my baby boys
Until then ill be waiting
And bettering my life
Getting right with Jesus
My relationship growing stronger with him each night
I can talk to him forever
After I listen for his guidance
A spiritual malady I they called it
An allergy to some
Ive learned that my disease is one my heart can overcome
Without you I am stronger
Without you I proclaim
I may still be sick
But, im getting better every day
Published 14th Aug 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 6
reads 1436
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Aug 2017 6:50am
I hear people say, "oh what a druggie, slutty, terrible mother blah blah blah" without ever really considering what it might be like for her. I can't imagine a mother cursing her children like that. Addiction is a terrible thing and there is always two sides to a story. I wish you all the best on your journey to recovery!
15th Aug 2017 2:00am
Thank you so much! There really are two sides of every story and its been absolutely terrible but through all that i now have a solution and experience to use to help other addicts
14th Aug 2017 6:54pm
welcome to DUP, friend. I relate to a lot of what you speak of above.. I like that you not only talk about the problem of addiction (which is easy to do) but that you talk about the solution. On top of that, i feel like from beginning to end it flows pretty well. Idk at what point you are at in your recovery, but it helped me to read this and for that I thank you.
I hope you find what you are looking for here.
<3
I hope you find what you are looking for here.
<3
15th Aug 2017 2:01am
I literally wrote this to share the solution and to help other addicts! We do recover! Thank you for your kind words.
14th Aug 2017 9:19pm
My Dear ZM, bless you for your honesty in this write. Addiction, I believe, is a barrier to connection and when we let go we can find something to connect to that is greater than what we are trying to escape and we find peace. I wish you well. Thank you for sharing.
Mel xxx
Mel xxx
15th Aug 2017 2:03am
Thank you for thanking me and letting me know that you appreciate my work. Ill continue to write in hopes that I may help lead someone to the solution.
