deepundergroundpoetry.com

Fear of commitment

 

It seems you want to see me laughing.
I think I could try, but where is the fun?
It seems you want to see me happy,
But the scratches down my back have long since gone.


Maybe I could find a way to begin chatting up,
But the silence I hold. What is love?
No more for the meter,
I have a wheel clamp on the tongue.
It seems I should by now be with my love,
But this continuous car crash that is my love life…
It just ain’t letting up.


I crash and burn at each and every turn.
If only I could take control of this life that I live,
But I am only ever destined to be hurt
And to lose my hope in everything.


The smile I raise will never grow up;
The lies I tell keep me grounded.
My ego has a life of its own, so it’s tough,
To keep my mind on the level.
No safety net, I fall alone…unbounded.


I see a light, I follow it,
It only leads me to where I once was.
I ignore the light and wander blind,
I walk in the dark; I end up lost
And then I see another reflection in a mirror;
Another time when I was myself
And there I see I am no nearer to leaving this maze,
This endless place I dwell.


The walls I put up are a hundred feet tall;
No horizon to be seen or to chase after.
The map to this life is never written, just walked;
One mistake at a time,
So gone is my laughter.


I see the end, the gate is locked;
I climb over the top and down I drop.
When I get to the other side,
I find myself back at the beginning.
Woe is my revolving life.


Around and around in circles I go,
Into love I fall so deep it hurts.
I pick myself up and wait until it is long ago,
Then I fall again, repeating those empty words I hear from her.


Now they mean nothing,
Hoping for something to change,
But it all remains the same.
Love is just a revolving door with a queue.
Waiting on someone.  Waiting on you.
Serving you drinks, while you kiss and hug him.
Waiting to leave all of this!
But love is my cage and I am locked in.


So I waited…until I broke;
Never to be repaired.
Never again!
Never again will I wait,
To once more go away to allow me to breathe air.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Written by AaHarvey
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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