deepundergroundpoetry.com
Three Musts You Always Must
You must, always,
think,
think long
- even for an eternity -
before you utter a word
You must, always,
know
that you'll never learn
You must,
when falling in love,
always exhibit
a frivolous disposition;
otherwise
you, probably, have learnt...
think,
think long
- even for an eternity -
before you utter a word
You must, always,
know
that you'll never learn
You must,
when falling in love,
always exhibit
a frivolous disposition;
otherwise
you, probably, have learnt...
Published 9th Aug 2017
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Aug 2017 9:33pm
Bravo!
Because you have requested honest critique and I'd like to honor that, I would suggest removing the commas ( only ) at the ends of the lines. There's already an existent and more natural pause.
I particularly enjoyed L4 & 5 of S1. One must think indeed.
Because you have requested honest critique and I'd like to honor that, I would suggest removing the commas ( only ) at the ends of the lines. There's already an existent and more natural pause.
I particularly enjoyed L4 & 5 of S1. One must think indeed.
9th Aug 2017 11:17pm
Thank you for commenting. I never thought of the "natural pause" at the end of the line. It makes sense.
I always suggest either ellipsis or a dash, depending on how you wish to pause, e.g. - a train of thought ( ellipsis ) or a slide into home plate ( dash ). LOL!
The comma just seems . . .
I dunno --
redundant! (And she's safe at home plate! )
The comma just seems . . .
I dunno --
redundant! (And she's safe at home plate! )
10th Aug 2017 3:53am
Talk of and on pauses excite me... I support a Global Pause Day and an Olympics Of Pauses... (How often does an umpire pause before he/she calls the runner safe?)
