Social Anxiety

Waking up from a midday nap      
I put on my clothes      
along with my mask  
So I don't feel alone  
I try to find someone successful to match  
Hoping these are just steps to becoming great      
     
So I walk out the door      
And prepare for a mental war      
       
In a crowded place      
Frozen      
Not saying a word      
Because I end up choking      
People even forget I'm here      
     
Whispers going through different ears
Along with odd stares and chuckles from my peers      
I look at them and they quickly look away  
I feel like a monster because everyone is afraid      
       
I stay up all night      
Reliving these horrible moments      
Once again I lost the fight      
And no doubt I looked stupid      
No one will ever know of this      
How much this affects me      
       
I really want to open up about it        
But it'll only cause laughter and criticism
Maybe a mere 'I'm sorry' or 'that sucks'  
So I keep my distance        
       
Who really cares about someone with trouble loving theirself?      
Never chosen - a book on the shelf      
That gets burned with hate      
How can I turn to ones who will turn away?      
       
We only care for bright, successful people      
But I'll tell you      
I am bright      
I am nice      
I laugh and joke around      
I am a social and awesome person      
But for now..