Not Worthy

 *Trigger Warning: this includes descriptions of suicidal thoughts/actions, eating disorders, and abuse*

I'd like to drown in a bottle
Or hang from a tree.
Paint the walls
With hair just from me.
I could fill the tub
With a river of blood.

I hope I choke on the vomit
I induce
To maybe become
Good enough
Smart enough
Pretty enough
Thin enough
For you, Dad.
I'm sorry I was never enough.

My grades are even a symptom of abuse,
If i brought home straight A's,
He would swing just a little bit softer.

I'm sorry daddy,
I just never was enough.