THE CHILDREN'S HOME.

"The place of safety was dirty and cold
The building smelt damp, musky and old
The shit-hole in which I was to roam
Was a pathetic excuse for a children's home
They clothed and fed me as little as they could
Didn't look after me as they should
We weren’t their own kids why should they care?
Not their flesh and blood trapped in there
Not once did my mum make her way;
To visit and check to see if I was okay
It was obvious, it was clear;
She didn’t care as she didn’t come near

I always had a dirty, tear stained face
Always left to fend for myself in that place
The older kids would pick on me every day
I was much younger than them, so I was easy prey
The staff would tell me to shut up when I cried
The bullies would just say that I made it up and lied
I had no friends, I had no mum
My security came from sucking my thumb
It was my form of security blanket
I used to suck the hell out of it

The bedrooms were damp, filthy and bare
Contained a few beds, a table, a chair
Tattered cobwebs draped the corners of the ceiling
The wallpaper was moldy, curling and peeling
The beds were hardly ever made
The sheets were worn, tatty and frayed
My blanket was wafer thin
Not fit for use only fit for the bin
The windows were cracked and not at all safe
What a place to keep a young waif
Décor from the sixties would describe it well
That was the place in which I was to dwell

At night I often sobbed and cried
I even contemplated suicide
The staff never seemed to care
Didn’t seem to notice that we were there
Imprisoned in a hellish nightmare
It wasn’t our fault, it wasn’t fair
I had to share a room with five other kids
The windows were secured with old metal grids
The staff said it was to keep thieves at bay
But I think it was to stop us from running away

I would stand silently in the dinner queue
Holding my tray, the colour blue
Served like cattle at a trough
Slop dumped on our trays and quickly sent off
Plastic knife, spoon and fork
Eating in silence for we dare not talk
Staff eyes watching us eat all of it
Each and every single bit
We ate gruel, they ate steak
We ate shortbread, they ate cake

I would often play alone in my room
My only doll I used to groom
I found her under my dusty old bed
No one claimed her so I made her mine instead
I gave her a name, I called her Nancy
A cheap looking doll, nothing fancy
She was made from cheap, flimsy plastic
Her clothes were worn and had no elastic
Her clothes were made from a piece of old lace
Moth hole ridden all over the place
One eye was missing, the other starting to detach
Her hair thin in places with a bald patch
I used to sit there brushing her hair
Thinking SHE was the only one to care
Care that I was feeling rejected inside
Cared whether or not if I lived or died
I used to tell her stories, said I was a Princess
Said my real home, my castle, I would repossess
Informed her that I would be instating;
Her new position of Lady in waiting
Said she would be my head lady
Then she could take proper care of me
On sweets and chocolate we would feast
Eat until our hunger ceased
She never mocked or laughed at my life-style
She would just sit there, listen and smile
She was my one and only friend
I kept her with me until the end
This is how I was treated for the next few years
By the cooks, staff and also their peers"