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Blurred Lines

He said "You, you're like a fucking grenade, once I pull the pin. Your explosion consumes me entirely" and I squinted my eyes at him before softly whispering "You can use me as hard as you like" but it's unfortunate that he'll never know that when he grazes upon my cunt that all I can feel are your lips roaming all over my bare flesh.  
 
Mapping out the ways in which my body aches for you as I close my eyes, and imagine it is you that makes my body tremble with such pleasure.  
 
Nobody gives a fuck who you fuck, unless of course, they care about you deep down.  
 
He's not you, so I couldn't care less whether he stays or goes. He's just a cock that I used to relieve my stress. Its your hazel eyes that hold my heart to ransom, it's always been that way.  
 
He said to me "Love, don't you know what love means ?" and I just glared at him thinking to myself that he is not you, and that's what it came down to.  
 
His heart will never touch mine, the way yours touched mine, without ever touching my body per se.  
 
The silence was deafening because it mattered to him. It still matters but the mess in which I find myself is rather astounding. My heart is adrift with yours, while I lied in the dark with him, imagining that his kiss and touch were yours, all along.  
 
He then proceeds to tell me he's glad that I manage to adhere to my deadlines, and all I kept replaying in my mind was the word dead as I can see how you brutally murdered all the flowers in the garden, whilst taking into consideration that he will never have the rose.  
 
Not in the way in which my heart has blossomed for the love we will never share, in the years to come.  
 
I'm fairly confident the flowers all withered and died from you pissing upon them but they will never know, and I will never disclose what I know to be the truth, deep down.  
 
They were never destined to be anything more than a fleeting seasonal moment, in comparison to where you & I have been.  
 
I was destined to be your constant four seasons.  
 
It was written in the stars, once upon a time. That, is my truth, and that's all that I know when I find myself thinking about you, all over me. Lost in a sea of memories that are unable to be translated, from there to here.  
 
Hmm. The things we do to sustain ourselves can only be defined as criminal.  
 
I felt guilty for entertaining myself with him. It feels like I've been cheating on you, even though you've never made it clear what you want from me.  
 
In my dreams, you fuck me violently until I feel you asserting yourself all over me as I tether myself firmly upon the colloidal bond we have with one another.  
 
His use by date was looming and I had to find a way to gently pull away to enable him to get on with his life.  
 
He was the proxy that was more than glad to hear the wicked thoughts that'd run rampant throughout the day, even though those thoughts were just that, thoughts that bare no weight other than the weight that began to grow upon his heart.  
 
It's bad. I know. But, a woman needs to keep herself balanced. You're so far away. Sighs. I'm fairly certain that we're both arseholes to other people. Maybe, that's why I want you because I can see so much of you, in the depths of me.  
 
And no, I don't mean you invading my cunt, arse and mouth ferociously with your big thick hard cock when I say that, even though I've entertained myself with you, doing just that.  
 
He'd say things like "There's nothing more delectable than knowing a sub is thinking about her use" and it was at that moment that it was realised that he was never going to evolve past a stage which allowed him 24/7 access to me.  
 
He was just a moment, in time.  
 
He said "I want your sexuality, finesse, affection, passion and I've a strong desire to want to have enjoyable fun, both mental and physical where I firmly lead your mind and body into tease & seduction.  
 
The closer the mental and emotional aspects are connected the intensity is far more satisfying rather than relying on just the physical" which in theory sounds splendid, but it was never going to be anything of that depth.  
   
As soon as he mentioned emotional, I was already boarding the next fucking train to a land far, far away. Back to the home in which my heart resides, in the cavity of your chest.  
   
How can I give him that side of me when that belongs to you ?  You, who are thousands of miles away in a land chiselled from yesterday.  
   
Most submissives are highly intelligent, successful individuals who just want to experience the true freedom of quieting their mind. To observe the joy of being vulnerable, and letting go of all worries and insecurities.  
 
 I'm no different but I don't need a man to define me as I'm comfortable in my own skin, and keeping my own counsel.  
   
I'm old enough to know better. I've been there, and back again. I don't want his emotions to grow, and nor do I want to nourish his heart.  
   
I want that with you, after you fill me up and leave me gaping and dripping from the remnants of our love.  
   
He's just a big hard throbbing cock that I use to pleasure myself, whenever I ache to feel you.  
 
And you, well... you'll always be the seed that blossomed in my heart during Spring, when it was Winter.  
   
And, in that context, he tells me "You show promise and I'm compelled to learn more about you, and why you keep me at a comfortable distance, I will never comprehend" however, it was never going to evolve into that because you're the man I want to be with, and he's just a tool I use to fuck me ferociously when I miss you, and then I leave, and wait patiently for reality to beat my heart to a pulp.  
   
Because.  
   
You're not here, and it's possible that you'll never be here to nurture & nourish me in such ways.  
   
So. Here, is where I lurk to gaze upon the beauty that resides in your heart, aching for more of you in the depths of me as I recoil from the possibility of finding happiness with someone else, who is not you.  
   
I miss you even though we're still yet to evolve, and step off of this silken revolving door as we dream dreams that were never meant to be dreamt, leaving us aching for more until we both have one another, to hold from dusk to dawn.

https://youtu.be/tH8hadGV7Ts
Written by shadow_starzzz
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