Only for You

I broke down and got on a dating app
Again tonight. But... I kept swiping
Left. Because they didn't look like you,
They're not you​, and I don't think they
Can ever be you. I don't think anyone
Will or can ever be what you were to
Me. That soft warmth and need  
Started to melt gently over me
Tonight. I'm in bed now. I love this
Time so much. It's so comforting
Tonight. Things are okay right now,
I know, and I have a few bucks to
Tide me over for a while, and I feel
Hopeful about tomorrow concerning
Things I tried to set in motion
Today... There is hope tonight. Hope
That things will get better, and in a
Lot of ways, though I had so much
Help today, it was me and all me
Who put certain things in little boats
And let them out into the sea... And
Now it's cool and dark and I know my
Day is over, I can relax now, and
Tonight I'm letting you be my reward.
I took out your picture from my
Folder just now, and it's now ​splashed
Across my phone's wallpaper. Your
Face... Your face is the most beautiful
Thing in the world to me now. I love
Just staring at little tiny different
Parts of you. Your eyes and mouth...
Nothing has ever been more
Exquisitely beautiful to me in all my
Life. Your neck is flawless, perfect,
Soft poetry to me. Your ears... The
Studs in them are tiny jewels of
An agonizing, perfect, haunting,
Delicious beauty. I miss you
Desperately tonight. I crave and ache
To write you, and I can never let
Myself write you again. I realize
It is you who must be the one who
Seeks me out. Because... It seems
You have forgotten me. It does
Hurt so very deeply... But... I don't
Want to hurt anymore. I just want to
Feel and love and enjoy in this life,
I've decided. Maybe you'll come back
One day like you said you would.
And maybe... Maybe if you did come
Back one day maybe it would be
Better if I didn't see you again, maybe
I just shouldn't open the letter if I
Receive it, the letter I keep hoping
And praying will somehow show up
On my phone. That you need or miss
Me, or at least are in my city and
Choose to see me again. It's so
Strange... I wonder... Do you know
I'm thinking about you constantly
Now, that what we shared has
Become so sacred and pivotal to me
It's affecting everything I do now
And every decision I make. I keep
Staring at your face. I know now...
I could never move and affect such
Haunting perfect beauty that is you.
I was simply lucky to have shared
With you what I did. My phone... It
Still spells out these words and
Phrases. It knows. And these words
And phrases only describe you now.
The person who possibly inherits
This phone one day... They will have
Such a tough time with Daddy for
A while. Though now you are Daddy,
You are the only one who is truly
Daddy, the only one who could ever
Be Daddy. There are other words
And phrases that will surely make
The person who owns this phone
Someday say out loud, Wow, this
Person who owned this phone
Before me was a real pervert. And I
Am. And all those perverted words
Are only for you now. And the person
Who owns my phone someday
Won't ever know just how loving
And caring and affectionate the
Pervert was who owned this phone.
I'm dying inside with love for you
Tonight. And though I cannot send
It your way, it's so strong, it's so
Powerful, it has to go somewhere
Else. So I'm sending it in this stupid
Poem. And right now in this poem
I am saying, with all my heart and
Body and soul and quivering aching
Being, I love you. I love you.
And I need you tonight. And now
Everything in my being is only for you.