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Revenge of The Fat Girl
Like every woman
in the world
there were times I was thin
there were times I was fat
and everything in between.
Lamenting over
stretch-marks
cellulite
love-handles
saddlebags
fat arms
big thighs
or in contrast
visible ribs
no curves
clothes that don't fit
thinning hair
no breasts
no ass
I have been called
anorexic skeleton
and
pretty but too chubby
I've been a size 0
and a size 12
I was a cross country runner
dancer and rider
and over-stressed college student
eating too late over homework -
but I was always a woman.
I have had men want me
and other men repulsed by me.
I lost sixty pounds
thinking it would fix
all the insecurities
believing if I became
the thin woman
I felt I could be
everything would be fine.
Size 6:
for many the perfect
size.
I'm healthy and in control
on the outside,
but the inside I'm as weak
as before.
The only real pleasure I get
is this intense rage I feel
from every man who looks
in my direction
asks my number
or my relationship status.
You've seen me at this bar before
or at this restaurant
You've seen me at the library
or at this theatre.
I have been here this whole time
though you never noticed me.
But you have seen me
because I have seen you a thousand
times and your shallow ugliness
is crystal clear to me now.
Where were you
with your compliments
and pleasantries before
where were you
with the flirty conversation
and the witty comebacks?
You never saw me
but I saw you all.
Now when you come
around I just laugh.
"I've never seen you
here before," you say.
"Are you new to the area,"
you ask.
And that is when I have my revenge.
I smile and walk away.
You are all vain pigs
and I'm not here to play.
in the world
there were times I was thin
there were times I was fat
and everything in between.
Lamenting over
stretch-marks
cellulite
love-handles
saddlebags
fat arms
big thighs
or in contrast
visible ribs
no curves
clothes that don't fit
thinning hair
no breasts
no ass
I have been called
anorexic skeleton
and
pretty but too chubby
I've been a size 0
and a size 12
I was a cross country runner
dancer and rider
and over-stressed college student
eating too late over homework -
but I was always a woman.
I have had men want me
and other men repulsed by me.
I lost sixty pounds
thinking it would fix
all the insecurities
believing if I became
the thin woman
I felt I could be
everything would be fine.
Size 6:
for many the perfect
size.
I'm healthy and in control
on the outside,
but the inside I'm as weak
as before.
The only real pleasure I get
is this intense rage I feel
from every man who looks
in my direction
asks my number
or my relationship status.
You've seen me at this bar before
or at this restaurant
You've seen me at the library
or at this theatre.
I have been here this whole time
though you never noticed me.
But you have seen me
because I have seen you a thousand
times and your shallow ugliness
is crystal clear to me now.
Where were you
with your compliments
and pleasantries before
where were you
with the flirty conversation
and the witty comebacks?
You never saw me
but I saw you all.
Now when you come
around I just laugh.
"I've never seen you
here before," you say.
"Are you new to the area,"
you ask.
And that is when I have my revenge.
I smile and walk away.
You are all vain pigs
and I'm not here to play.
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