deepundergroundpoetry.com
Satellite
The search for the buoyant star
In a canopy of dark sky and far
The bold knight will raise a war
And play hymns with his guitar
Fate has delivered us together
Finding home among strangers
The veiled innuendo still lingers
Lost souls of vindicated beavers
Destiny played trick like before
Face my guilt with such candor
I will hoist my sail to the shore
As my allegiance to strive more
Distance can be a vengeful kin
Though aim comes from within
Heart engrossed as angels sing
Our love flows an eternal thing
Time stole our chance to grow
Casting spell from down below
When the river ceased to flow
My triumph will freeze in snow
Fallen from grim battleground
I mutter a cry without a sound
Spirit wasted in hallow ground
And heart flees to ghost town
Curtains pulled this forth hence
The life shared of grand intense
Your love embodies my essence
We’re blessed by Omnipotence
When the envious moon fades
I will turn from the land of dead
I will not dither do not be afraid
My scene is beside you instead
The first glow after a long night
A spark of dawn lends an invite
Where the sun shines so bright
I watch over you like a satellite
In a canopy of dark sky and far
The bold knight will raise a war
And play hymns with his guitar
Fate has delivered us together
Finding home among strangers
The veiled innuendo still lingers
Lost souls of vindicated beavers
Destiny played trick like before
Face my guilt with such candor
I will hoist my sail to the shore
As my allegiance to strive more
Distance can be a vengeful kin
Though aim comes from within
Heart engrossed as angels sing
Our love flows an eternal thing
Time stole our chance to grow
Casting spell from down below
When the river ceased to flow
My triumph will freeze in snow
Fallen from grim battleground
I mutter a cry without a sound
Spirit wasted in hallow ground
And heart flees to ghost town
Curtains pulled this forth hence
The life shared of grand intense
Your love embodies my essence
We’re blessed by Omnipotence
When the envious moon fades
I will turn from the land of dead
I will not dither do not be afraid
My scene is beside you instead
The first glow after a long night
A spark of dawn lends an invite
Where the sun shines so bright
I watch over you like a satellite
Published 15th Jun 2017
| Edited 23rd Oct 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 6
reads 628
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
The search for the buoyant star
In a canopy of dark sky and far
The bold knight will raise a war
And play hymns with his guitar
Well composed and compiled. Rhyme felt natural, unforced alongside meaning and stories encapsulated in each line.
Fate has delivered us together
Finding home among strangers
The veiled innuendo still lingers
Lost souls of vindicated beavers
Half-rhyme and metaphor. Blended well.
Destiny played trick like before
Face my guilt with such candor
I will hoist my sail to the shore
As my allegiance to strive more
L2 is am unsure about the first word, otherwise a good stanza again.
Distance can be a vengeful kin
Though aim comes from within
Heart engrossed as angel sings
Our love flows an eternal thing
upbeat, optimistic and positive
Time stole our chance to grow
Casting spell from down below
When the river ceased to flow
My triumph will freeze in snow
good work. Same as last stanza
Fallen from grim battleground
I mutter a cry without a sound
Spirit wasted in hallow ground
And heart flees to ghost town
'Spirit wasted in hallowed ground'- special line.
Curtains pulled this forth hence
The life shared of grand intense
Your love embodies my essence
We’re blessed by Omnipotence
there is natural flow here. Good.
When the envious moon fades
Soul will turn from land of dead
I will not dither never be afraid
My scene is beside you instead
L4 is the heart of the stanza. Good job.
The first glow after a long night
A spark of dawn lends an invite
Where the sun shines so bright
I watch over you like a satellite
Title justified. L4 the word 'over' is ok but feels extra. Your poem. your work. Good job.
In a canopy of dark sky and far
The bold knight will raise a war
And play hymns with his guitar
Well composed and compiled. Rhyme felt natural, unforced alongside meaning and stories encapsulated in each line.
Fate has delivered us together
Finding home among strangers
The veiled innuendo still lingers
Lost souls of vindicated beavers
Half-rhyme and metaphor. Blended well.
Destiny played trick like before
Face my guilt with such candor
I will hoist my sail to the shore
As my allegiance to strive more
L2 is am unsure about the first word, otherwise a good stanza again.
Distance can be a vengeful kin
Though aim comes from within
Heart engrossed as angel sings
Our love flows an eternal thing
upbeat, optimistic and positive
Time stole our chance to grow
Casting spell from down below
When the river ceased to flow
My triumph will freeze in snow
good work. Same as last stanza
Fallen from grim battleground
I mutter a cry without a sound
Spirit wasted in hallow ground
And heart flees to ghost town
'Spirit wasted in hallowed ground'- special line.
Curtains pulled this forth hence
The life shared of grand intense
Your love embodies my essence
We’re blessed by Omnipotence
there is natural flow here. Good.
When the envious moon fades
Soul will turn from land of dead
I will not dither never be afraid
My scene is beside you instead
L4 is the heart of the stanza. Good job.
The first glow after a long night
A spark of dawn lends an invite
Where the sun shines so bright
I watch over you like a satellite
Title justified. L4 the word 'over' is ok but feels extra. Your poem. your work. Good job.
16th Jun 2017 3:32pm
15th Jun 2017 6:20pm
we struggle beneath that dark sky and far,
knights & poets alike; & lovers.
well made lyrics...
knights & poets alike; & lovers.
well made lyrics...
16th Jun 2017 3:32pm
15th Jun 2017 7:06pm
Fantastic expression and use of imagery, taking the reader through an illustrative theme.
16th Jun 2017 3:33pm
