deepundergroundpoetry.com
The house
This is a "drabble", a 100-word story.
The house was full of an empty yet endless pain, sunwashed in that sadistic bleaching way that peels wallpaper, rots floorboards, and refuses to allow quietude, peace. The house as I remember it was near a cliff edge, (as all such houses are), and had French windows in the living room, all the better for bringing in that burning light. I would hide in one of the upstairs bedrooms, but not those furthest from the horizon because despite everything I liked to stay within view of it, undistinguished as it was by other houses, streets, towns, people, life, the world.
The house was full of an empty yet endless pain, sunwashed in that sadistic bleaching way that peels wallpaper, rots floorboards, and refuses to allow quietude, peace. The house as I remember it was near a cliff edge, (as all such houses are), and had French windows in the living room, all the better for bringing in that burning light. I would hide in one of the upstairs bedrooms, but not those furthest from the horizon because despite everything I liked to stay within view of it, undistinguished as it was by other houses, streets, towns, people, life, the world.
Published 8th Jun 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Jun 2017 11:32am
even in all that turmoil there is still a view to be enjoyed,
so there's something to set it apart from the mundane...
so there's something to set it apart from the mundane...
8th Jun 2017 12:06pm
This is such an intriguing write, Jack! There's something about the energy of old houses that distinguishes them whether their appearance does or not.
Light can be harsh and unforgiving at times . . .
Light can be harsh and unforgiving at times . . .
8th Jun 2017 1:00pm
Jack I see your soul in this write a piece of who you are..
such a brilliant write..
I love you Jack..
xo Brenda
such a brilliant write..
I love you Jack..
xo Brenda
Anonymous
8th Jun 2017 3:15pm
Undistinguishable yet uniquely defined by its own interpretation.
Beautiful!!
Beautiful!!
Jack, I would modify the opening line from
"The house was full of an empty yet endless pain,"
to
"The house was furnished with an endless pain,"
Everything we write is drabble.
"The house was full of an empty yet endless pain,"
to
"The house was furnished with an endless pain,"
Everything we write is drabble.
9th Jun 2017 7:13am
Anonymous
- Edited 11th Jun 2017 1:56pm
10th Jun 2017 6:43am
A drabble you say, never heard of it until now. I might try one at some stage. has it the rules of prose whereby poetic s are frowned upon?
decent enough snippet. I reckon the commas by each bracket might not be needed
I counted about 25 words at the end which didn't seem to say a whole lot about the house. I appreciate the piece of yourself which you put in. and wondered why you were hiding: was it a game or something more serious. figured that story could in itself potentially be a drabble. I didn't think it lent anything to the house itself and so felt a ripped off haha :D
That said, I found it a decent story, read it with ease and enjoyed the read
https://youtu.be/ApHj9vOu2eQ
*hat tip*
decent enough snippet. I reckon the commas by each bracket might not be needed
I counted about 25 words at the end which didn't seem to say a whole lot about the house. I appreciate the piece of yourself which you put in. and wondered why you were hiding: was it a game or something more serious. figured that story could in itself potentially be a drabble. I didn't think it lent anything to the house itself and so felt a ripped off haha :D
That said, I found it a decent story, read it with ease and enjoyed the read
https://youtu.be/ApHj9vOu2eQ
*hat tip*
10th Jun 2017 5:30pm
haha Why did you post the Milton Jones clip? That's such a weird coincidence; I posted it on my Facebook just yesterday. As for your question re: drabbles, I think it's meant to be prose, but then my example was really more a prose poem, so I dunno. Cheers as always for your feedback, me old friend. x
Anonymous
11th Jun 2017 1:58pm
.. posted the wrong link. then announced I posted the wrong link on the wrong comment. Midday moon madness you're very welcome
