Wishin' I could

I've worn morals around mah Life
like a snow white A
startin' young hidin'  
a menstrual cycle of virginity  
among mah peers at school  
 
while others were polishin'  
the back seats of cahs
or metal truck beds  
just anywh'yah private  
dahk or light of day  
 
There's a code  
carved by mountain folk
that anything goes  
and virginity is targeted  
 
but I learned young  
what that meant
so started rumors  
'bout my own self  
and some uncle or cousin
who no longer lived
in these pahts  
 
'Cause despite  
freedom of 'expression'  
when it came to sexuality -
incest was frowned upon  
 
I walked through the halls
of mah schoolin' safe
from grappling hands
up mah skirt or blouse  
at recess  
 
I graduated first  
in mah class fully intact
cause mah daddy taught  
me the value of actin' dumb
not givin' a damn  
what others thought  
 
especially the preservation
of something precious  
even if ya didn't
know the how comes
or why to's  
 
Lookin' back, I dunno  
'xactly - maybe I wanted  
something bettah  
than what the mountain offered  
its routine of marriage  
and kids before ya was 19  
 
Or maybe it was  
not standing the thought  
of something you could only give once
being taken as a trophy  
by someone else  
 
When I caught the academy bus  
there was a car parked  
out on Ridge Mountain road
I recognized it as Bobby Fuller's
no doubt he had Nadine  
in the back seat rockin'
 
There will always be this part of me
somewhe'yah, seeing couples
at dances or movie parks  
that wanted to experience
what it was like, succumb  
to somethin' natural  
as casual sex  
without a second thought  
 
some call me smart  
but I'll never understand  
why I didn't
while wishin' I could  
 
or why it still applies  
this very moment