Drifting

 
The wolf is at my front door
I can hear him howling
Scratching, snarling
Trying to get in
He may huff and puff
Blowing the house down
He may come crashing
Through the window
Or maybe he’ll just
Use his key

The grizzly bear is at my back door
I can hear him growling
Scratching and snarling
He wants to show me
That he’s taken a shit
Obviously in the woods
Well, where else
His need for toilet tissue
Will overpower him
His itch too much to bare
To dangerous to scratch
He’s holding a crowbar
He’ll get in

The chimpanzee is on my roof
I can hear him running
Jumping and screeching
He wants to rip my face off
And make a mask
To stretch and wear
So he can get into MacDonald’s
For a banana milkshake
And a peanut
M&Ms McFlurry
If he can pull it off
He’ll be a great ape
I see he sees the chimney
Ho, Ho, Ho

The wolf unlocks the door
And steps inside
The grizzly bear breaks down the door
With one swipe of his crowbar
The chimpanzee slides down the chimney
Like a hairy Santa Clause
All three come closer
With murderous intent
Then closer and closer
I can feel their breath
All teeth and claws
I bite my pillow

I may well be
Up shit creak
Without a paddle
But I can still drift
And drift I do
Down a purple river
In my big yellow canoe
But in my canoe
Is a wolf, a grizzly bear
And a chimpanzee
In a Santa suit
We drift together
Then the alarm clock goes off
I daren’t hit the snooze button