These dreams..........

"Most of the time i sit back and think of what life woulda been like if mom woulda never died.
then i would have to sit here and count all the tears i cried.
where would i be at? what kinda job would i have?
would i have a wife and kids? as i sit and have these thoughts i begin to laugh.
cause i can't change the past can't do a damn thing about it.
i can try to make the future great,let me think about it.
my mentality is stuck in the past recalling the last words my mom spoke to me.
"don't worry i'll be back soon" that's what she said exactly.
then bamm,she's now dead been dead since 1985.
i know i'm being selfish for wanting her back with me alive.
i just miss her so damn much,i miss her loving touch.
she would take care of me when i was sick, i just loved her so much.
that's all that matters to me,my mom is missing me.
and when my named gets called by god, in heaven mom i'll see.
why oh why do i have to cry,so many tears so much love to give.
there isn't anyone i've yet to meet that would want to accept the love i'd give.
i relax by listening to songs of the after life like "tha crossroads" by b.o.n.e.
that's just the type of shit that relieves me, it's got that feel good harmony.
life iz all but a dream for it all seems.
it looks like everything's falling apart at the seams.
lord,have mercy on my sinfull soul.
into your kingdom pleaze allow me to go.
when i sleep i have dreams of my long lost loved ones who have gone to that fair land beyond lifes tears.
to that place where there is never no worries and no fears.
my mom,my granny,my grandpa,my uncle,i'll see you all again soon.
the lord will call me home and the family  shall be reunited before a full moon.
i been having these dreams for many days,many nights.
it's cause my soul is forever haunted by my loved ones death.
and it will always be till i breathe my last breath.
these dreams are haunting me,consuming me.
all they are doing they do not frighten me.
this is all i feel and know and whutever it means.
i accept whats happening to me,i'll tell you all more later on these dreams!!!!!!!!