Cognitive Association

The body was weighted in the river  
with rocks. My ovaries and glands  
felt the same after I saw her.  
 
I threw up everything I ever ate  
the bathroom door vibrating  
from concerned knocks.  
 
He said, "I'll get you a paper towel."  
It was a Quick Stop, open 24 hours,  
a janitor was methodically mopping.  
 
I stared at his hands, how they clung  
to the mop handle. They were dry  
and cracked but large and strong.  
 
I was dizzy. It was like I was drugged.  
I'd had barely anything to eat or drink.  
Southern humidity crushing my lungs.  
 
I'd never felt like that before, so dizzy  
I could barely see. He walked me back  
to the Crown Victoria, and every day  
 
I became hardened. Until my ovaries  
and glands were weighted stones.
Memory became a geode to inexperience.  
 
The psychological exam said something
about cognitive association. It was so long  
ago now, I just remember the janitor's hands.        
.