Notes on- The walls of my heart and Russian Roulette

1  
 
There are walls no one can break down.  
I have told no one about them  
but they are the songbirds
to which my heart beat
beat beats..  
 
2
 
'I love you'  
three words  
poison. Trust.  
My feet bleed now  
from the distance
they have ran
as a result  
of such venomous
words.  
 
3
 
Trust is a locket
around my neck but
your hands are a better fit
 
4  
 
I don't know  
my name or
my birthday or
my reason for being  
skeletal  
  anymore.  
 
Last night I laid
on my bed and I  
told him my shoulder blades
are machettes now.  
 
He refused to bite the bait
or the bullet, he remained  
quizzical which is  
better than remaining silent  
 
I guess  
 
5
dear Guessing games  
are you Ouija boards  
is that why your soul stays  
stagnant watching my every move?
 
6
I know  
you won't stay  
if there's no gain  
You are a wishing well  
and I feed you pitiful pennies.  
(less worthless than my heart)  
 
7
I know  
I won't stay  
unless I  
need  
   somebody  
(right now  
you are that somebody
but you won't let me  
press the button  
  and end my game
I need to be here  
  for  
you)  
 
8
but to what  
extent?
  shouldn't I be  
winning  
  Russian Roulette
now?
   You whisper
that there are no  
winners in such games
but you would
 happily play, wouldn't you?