Bitch stole my shoehorn

Bitch stole my shoehorn

Of all the things to take
You chose my favorite tool
See, little things make me happy
But what you did was cruel
My life is about the simple pleasures
Now I slip on shoes like a fool

You could've taken a tie bar
Or a few pairs of cufflinks
A stainless steal bracelet
Or even my quill and the ink
But no, you swiped the finest
Well, maybe second to my mink

I loved that shoehorn, it was custom
Solid gold with rubies just shining
The handle engraved with my initials
Polishing it and peace I was finding
Thirty two grand down the drain
So sad, life will never be the same