deepundergroundpoetry.com
THE ETERNAL FALL
I couldn't imagine life being any other way
than being abused and accused of atrocity
while witnessing the magnificent lack of tragic logic
within fantasy's fantastic reality
A misshapen myriad of many mangled mishaps
perhaps mailing a mess of misunderstood memories
confessed in distress to a failing address
pressed into a mural in a burial pyramid wall that nobody sees
My blasphemies calling while falling, awoken,
arms flailing while calling out, impaling myself
on a spike within a failing Reich of my own psyche,
the last of me broken with truth truly spoken
about an abortion of a portion of mankind
torn within scorn from a war-torn independent mind
the only defense now to climb a fence or a wall
leaping off to the other side to experience the eternal fall
than being abused and accused of atrocity
while witnessing the magnificent lack of tragic logic
within fantasy's fantastic reality
A misshapen myriad of many mangled mishaps
perhaps mailing a mess of misunderstood memories
confessed in distress to a failing address
pressed into a mural in a burial pyramid wall that nobody sees
My blasphemies calling while falling, awoken,
arms flailing while calling out, impaling myself
on a spike within a failing Reich of my own psyche,
the last of me broken with truth truly spoken
about an abortion of a portion of mankind
torn within scorn from a war-torn independent mind
the only defense now to climb a fence or a wall
leaping off to the other side to experience the eternal fall
Published 16th May 2017
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16th May 2017 10:55am
I really like the use of 'word power' in the alliteration and rhyming elements in your poems, this one no exception.
Sometimes a line sounds over-forced, but I guess that relates to what's in the reader's mind, i.e.: what they themselves bring to the table, as it were.
For example,
the line "the last of me broken with truth truly spoken"
and "torn within scorn from a war-torn independent mind" sound fine to my ears
but the line in between "about an abortion of a portion of mankind" sounds forced; perhaps this is because there are too many "or" sounds close to one another (torn, scorn, abortion, portion).
And yet
"confessed in distress to a failing address
pressed ..." for me works o.k because the sound repetition is in tandem with ramming home an important point.
Personally I find getting the balance and spread of rhyme the hardest thing to do. Perhaps that's why I do a quite a bit of end-rhyming poetry where it is legitimate in an acceptable form (some poets see it as copping out, or even cheating).
The line that hit me most powerfully was "while witnessing the magnificent lack of tragic logic" - the state of our world wrapped up in 8 choice words.
Nice write :)
Sometimes a line sounds over-forced, but I guess that relates to what's in the reader's mind, i.e.: what they themselves bring to the table, as it were.
For example,
the line "the last of me broken with truth truly spoken"
and "torn within scorn from a war-torn independent mind" sound fine to my ears
but the line in between "about an abortion of a portion of mankind" sounds forced; perhaps this is because there are too many "or" sounds close to one another (torn, scorn, abortion, portion).
And yet
"confessed in distress to a failing address
pressed ..." for me works o.k because the sound repetition is in tandem with ramming home an important point.
Personally I find getting the balance and spread of rhyme the hardest thing to do. Perhaps that's why I do a quite a bit of end-rhyming poetry where it is legitimate in an acceptable form (some poets see it as copping out, or even cheating).
The line that hit me most powerfully was "while witnessing the magnificent lack of tragic logic" - the state of our world wrapped up in 8 choice words.
Nice write :)
17th May 2017 4:34am
Hey, Josh, I appreciate the useful input. I agree. I love to rhyme , and sometimes I get too caught up in it so that my words lose the rhythm and meaning that keeps it together. I will continue to work on that, and again, thank you for your helpful critique
