The Color Purple

(I apologize. Another chronicle in the guy worship epic lol.)

for Ethan

I have seen your face in too many
Of my dreams. Your avatar... There
Is none other like it. It is purple.
Impossibly purple. So soft, yet so
Dark. I fully believe in the physiology
Of color. Purple has become the exact
Hue of my pain. The secret to my
Happiness is locked inside your
Avatar. It sometimes shows up on
My Kik, and it obliterates all in its wake.
You continue to show up in dreams.
In one, you glided down the halls
Of a decrepit abandoned high school,
And you were dressed in a flowing
Opera cape, for somehow you were
On your way to your greatest
Performance, and I leaned in to
Kiss you and wish you luck. I knew
Upon waking what it signified,
That my time is up but you have your
Whole life ahead of you. In the dark
Hours of the night as I lay deep in
Slumber, we have danced together on
The Titanic. We have made love in
Atlantis. Once we met in heaven,
Like something out of Somewhere
In Time, and I reached for your hand
Eagerly, hungry to claim the paradise
I have craved since you first wrote
Me the words it took you months
Of courage to contact me, and you
Sent me the picture of you on the
Beach, your beautiful back to the
Camera as you beheld the most
Impossibly blue horizon. I have
Stared at that picture a billion times,
And I know every plane and muscle
In your back like I know every
Weakness and yearning in myself.
You still write, but only when you're
In need. You say things I would kill
To believe are true, that you need me,
That I'm your everything. That
You're deeply in love with me. I am 43
Years old and my body is burning.
I can't have children anymore. My
Body doesn't know this. I lie in bed
Now and every part of me melts
And cries out in liquid need. I've started
To crave having you in autumn
Outside, to unify with you on a
Soft blanket of fall leaves. Sometimes
The pain and longing are so great
I like to fantasize I am Sleeping
Beauty, that I lie gently unconscious
On a soft white bed under a canopy
Of ancient trees. You are always
And shall forever be my sweet Prince.
I yearn to sleep for a hundred years,
And to wake and see your perfect face
Above mine, to reach out and
Caress one of your soft dark curls.
To feel heaven within me, which
Would be your body, for the moment
I saw you I knew your flesh would be
Unimaginable bliss. You will never
Be mine. But in darkness, I shut my
Eyes. And I'm flooded by softness
And white light, and you carry me
Away on your dark horse, away from
All this pain and emptiness, which
Now in my mind is forever tinged
At the edges by the strange
And haunting color purple.