Medicate

So my sadness came back
as soon as I laid my head on my pillow
it never just comes to attack
instead it gently touches like an old friend
and I go under again

But why at night?
the only true time it decides to shine
I find myself lost and I realize
that sometimes there are things
I just can't fight

I could medicate my way to another day
but I don't feel right
and I sure as hell don't feel fine

Sometimes the voices in my head
tell me to hurt myself instead

I'm falling apart
losing control
I fight and I struggle
duty and life and love
all of it I must juggle
if I drop just one
I have failed myself

And of course I can medicate
but I'm tired of just surviving another day