deepundergroundpoetry.com
Animal Kingdom: the truth about cats & rats
The Cheshire cat peeping from the window
for a fish cutlet kept nearby, it’s hot and she grins!
“How many times they punished the thief
in the whole series of Alice in Wonderland?”
In the market it becomes a Bizarre glory
when some film actress pays some hefty amount
for the same cat-skin transformed into a hunter!
The animal commission bans it and earns into politics.
The whole race of rats ashamed for the heinous crime
that the so-called mankind glory celebrates for their freedom;
freedom from their commitments into this world
that sells rat poisons cheaper than a species
intelligent enough to value life and protests eating excuse balls.
But the dark cockroaches have never complained for napthelene revolution.
for a fish cutlet kept nearby, it’s hot and she grins!
“How many times they punished the thief
in the whole series of Alice in Wonderland?”
In the market it becomes a Bizarre glory
when some film actress pays some hefty amount
for the same cat-skin transformed into a hunter!
The animal commission bans it and earns into politics.
The whole race of rats ashamed for the heinous crime
that the so-called mankind glory celebrates for their freedom;
freedom from their commitments into this world
that sells rat poisons cheaper than a species
intelligent enough to value life and protests eating excuse balls.
But the dark cockroaches have never complained for napthelene revolution.
Published 23rd Aug 2011
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comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Aug 2011 1:07pm
im contemplating on the title; should it really be animal kingdom? the cats and rats are more likely to be human beings therefore i see it as an 'insult' to liken animals to humans with their 'heinous crime'. On the other hand i like the pan the title suggests.
The poem is daring and most provoking! although i'd suggest you replace the 'mankind' with 'humankind' so as to avoid being sexist.
The poem is daring and most provoking! although i'd suggest you replace the 'mankind' with 'humankind' so as to avoid being sexist.
23rd Aug 2011 1:31pm
I like what you're doing here. There's a few confusing sections that stunt the read a little though. The last line of the first stanza for instance. The quote in the first stanza needs a 'did' if you're closing it with a question mark. You know what I'm saying... I like it, but needs a polish.
'Mankind' is far from sexist. It's an old English word and is gender neutral. 'Humankind' would make it sound all sci-fi in what is quite an earthly write.
'Mankind' is far from sexist. It's an old English word and is gender neutral. 'Humankind' would make it sound all sci-fi in what is quite an earthly write.
23rd Aug 2011 9:09pm
24th Aug 2011 7:35am
quite a deep poem there anando.
i like it a lot. i do agree with jamie in that a bit of a polish will shine it up nicely, i have nothing to offer by way of help as i think it's been said.
great job anando!
i like it a lot. i do agree with jamie in that a bit of a polish will shine it up nicely, i have nothing to offer by way of help as i think it's been said.
great job anando!
24th Aug 2011 10:46am
I am more than delighted with the comments from you guys and because you have recepted to this one so well in the first 24 hours. I have read each one of you so carefully and am gladdened with the in-depth insights you guys have poured in.
I will implement two corrections over-here in my next edition in a short-while with your suggestions by Ophie & Jamie...I will switch over to human-kind which is true in the context and will add did for your suggestion sir.
I want to clarify you a bit Ophie to your complaint because I am not talking about any crime for the animals contextually and have taken over the issue of the heinous crime of the suicides by the human beings using rat poisons and that the whole species of rats designate that as something heinous crime. I think might be you have misunderstood that. I love animals and have due respect for them. In-fact I am using the same as a pun to address human beings as worse than animals sometimes and hence to the title.
And Eamon I love your comments always and you are welcome my dear friend.
Thank you all for the reads so far.
I will implement two corrections over-here in my next edition in a short-while with your suggestions by Ophie & Jamie...I will switch over to human-kind which is true in the context and will add did for your suggestion sir.
I want to clarify you a bit Ophie to your complaint because I am not talking about any crime for the animals contextually and have taken over the issue of the heinous crime of the suicides by the human beings using rat poisons and that the whole species of rats designate that as something heinous crime. I think might be you have misunderstood that. I love animals and have due respect for them. In-fact I am using the same as a pun to address human beings as worse than animals sometimes and hence to the title.
And Eamon I love your comments always and you are welcome my dear friend.
Thank you all for the reads so far.
