deepundergroundpoetry.com

The Failed Mechanism

Not thinking about it, not feeling it
Moving on, getting over it, repressing it
There's nothing you can do, so leave it
You have tried everything, so give up
That small hope you have left for it, is evil
Deserving of eternal punishment
You must not take others’ joy just for its pursuit
You must leave, destroy, not tolerate it
Focus your passion for it on something else;
Something productive, something wholesome
Impossible, it only corrupts, no way I could leave it
It haunts me, but I haunt it
It kills me so I must kill it
It ruins me so I must forget it
How can you forget something as beautiful as it
How can you transfer such a passion
I have tried; it won't stop tormenting me
I leave, I forget, I hide
It follows, it remembers, it finds me
There is nothing I can do for it
It can do everything for me
Perhaps I don't want to move on, get over it
It wants me to steal others’ joy so maybe I should
Should everyone achieve it but I
I must decide if it is worth this personal torture
But I have already decided
I have not moved on, the repression has failed
I cannot transfer the hot, fiery passion
I am evil in the purest sense
To want to make myself happy
To want my own joy
Even at the expense of others,it is most flawed
I hate myself for deciding wrong
I got it wrong, I can still change it
I feed myself these lies to live with it
I convince myself I am changing so I can escape it
What if changing is the way to get away from it
Is your hate of it stronger than your love for it
I wrestle with it, I get away momentarily
I know it will be back
While I lay sleeping it comes to me
All beauty reminds me of it
Wherever I run to, it finds me
A passion this intense must be respected
Yet to respect it would make me evil
The paradoxical thought has destroyed me
It consumes me as I lay resenting it
It corrupts me to the point of denial
It knows I respect it, that I covet it
What have I done to deserve its malice
No one can help me, I can't help myself
I will be devoured by it
I know, for it has already decayed me
I await for its swift mercy, its final move
It does not come, I continue to lay waiting
With the irresponsible hope for the miraculous
Written by IDRINKLEAN
Published
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