Not A Poem, But A Good Story To Tell the Kids

What does it mean to be happy or have a good life? I want to say something cheesy like life is what you make it and no one else can decide your fate. But I would be lying. I think the good life is a mirage; something that was made with the purpose of motivating or compartmentalizing something. if the mirage motivates you to want more and to do better, feel proud of yourself you are one of the few. But if it provokes feelings of conformity you are like the rest of us, who have no idea where we are going in life. Let me tell you a story when I was in sixth grade we had a career day and there was a surgeon present; after the surgeon's speech, I was motivated to become a surgeon. This one moment changed my life forever, and now almost 10 years later here I am a college student still heading towards the same goal. It sounds inspirational huh? Well, it’s not. For a long time I thought I wanted to be a surgeon and now the thought of drowning in debt scares me. I don’t want to be in debt I also don’t want to sacrifice my life for money. Because in the end, that’s the only thing that it comes down to. I mean I’ve always said that I want to become a surgeon because I want to be able to take of my family etc. and while that sounds noble the truth Is that I am not sure if I am cut out to be a mom or even be in a relationship. I’ve always felt like I was alone even if I am in a room full of people. But that is also by design. I am always alone because I keep others at arm’s reach when I was younger I was abandoned in a crack hotel with no food. Moral of the story I am used to starving; whether it be for food, affection, or friendship. I have adapted to being and living alone, so when people say you don’t know what you’re missing. Its true I don’t so I won’t care when it passes me by either. This isn’t some plea for sympathy or to start up the pity parade, this simply the thoughts of a bored and damaged woman with a bit of time on her hands. So what does it mean to be happy or have a good life? I don’t know I just wanted to talk about myself.