Inside my mind reworked

If you could see inside my mind
Could you see the real me not the shell I've become
I question if you would judge my past
As it was ugly, If I do say so myself
Yet part of my future memories behold
My mind, is still is a state of shock
Years have Passed
I'm procrastinating
I'm Partly in denial still
I should not still feel anything for you
but I do and it's crazy
It's true, what I wouldn't do, just for one more touch
You burnt a fire deep in my soul
it came from a spark there was no stopping it
I tried to put it out when you had the affair
Again when you would not come back
It's been almost death inside my mind
I should not feel that anguish
The need to have anything to do with you
It's damn crazy
My life has been put on hold
Waiting for you.