I Like the Feeling of Falling

Absolutely beautiful Decipher,
You really spoke from the heart right here amazingly well done :)

Thanks Rocky. I figure that having someone to love you must be a great feeling. It's fascinating to imagine, so I just write what I think of and try to give people a more amazing view of their being in love so they can see how lucky they are to be together.💕

True, nothing like being so in love with some one who is like your rock through your bad times and makes you feel on top of the world during your good times. That one person who treats you like you don't have to change for anyone or be a superhero to impress them they'll still love you. That one person that is able to treat you with respect even during moments when you know you messed up, overall that one person is everything they are your world, your lover, your friend, your care giver, your family they are all in all irreplaceable.

I wanted that since I was six: love, be loved, get married. But I always ended up being an observer. Now, I feel almost completely resigned, like I don't care. But that was one of my main goals in living. It's as if, I'm changing a whole lot. Going inside myself and living there. And as long as I am careful, I don't have to be anxious about mostly anything. But sometimes it's like I'm losing part of myself inside myself. Like it's not healthy that I am finally so nonchalant about being with someone. I don't know. It feels weird to have ambition that doesn't include anyone. I've never been so antisocial or stable antisocial. I left all my friendships and romantic interests. I made myself alone. But I'm not wreathing. I'm just enveloped by melancholy. No expressions on my face all day. No real joy, but no real fear. I'm grateful. But something feels off. Like I'm supposed to be out chasing. Not just be an observer even though when I used to try, I would end up as an observer and trying to numb myself. I must have finally succeeded. It just doesn't feel as fulfilling as I thought it would be. But I guess numbness isn't fulfilling anyways except when considering the alternative. 😑😅

You could say this was in the works all along. I never knew exactly how to accomplish accompaniment. I had admirers and admired some. But never dated or been in a relationship. Never been kissed or touched, barely hugged. As if something in my brain wasn't connecting at the right time. I was waiting for all my desire to go away. Now that it finally seems to be, I miss it a little bit. I'm stable. It's like being suspended in a Pink Floyd song. There just isn't much interesting me.

Aww well maybe it could be due to shyness perhaps? I'm not sure It's not easy for me to find love either I was lucky find someone very special right after my break up with the man I thought I would end up spending the rest of my life with :( But my tip for you is to at least put yourself out there and I know it's tough especially for people like us but when you do you are able to find someone special and sometimes not right away because you need to be able to come out of your comfort zone and get to know them well enough to see if they are compatible enough for you. So since you're still young you got plenty of time to find miss right there's never a set time in life to tell you when you need to get with someone and how soon you have to unless if you are really old fashioned and believe in the whole find someone by 18 then get married by like 21 and have babies by then which is pretty damn young.

Hm well maybe it could also be just from not having any luck? I mean I've felt like that from time to time but mainly after heartbreak so I pretty much would feel so devastated to the point where I would feel like I'm a complete failure in love. But then I try not to feel like that. But anywho maybe you could try changing something in your life that's keeping you from being happy and if it's that then maybe that could be what you need to change.