Extreme Comedy

 
Somebody slips on a banana skin;

Not funny any more, but then;
They fall forward into a plate glass window
The window breaks they fall through it
A large chunk of glass slips from above
Slicing through his neck, head chopped off
It rolls through the shop at speed
It smashes through the displays of glass
Slashing and cutting eight other customers
Bounces of the wall and lands on the cash desk
The assistant screams then dies fright
Her scream causes a customer to defecate
The smell of blood and shit makes another faint
She faints into the other large shop window
She crashes right through it there’s a crunch
A large chunk of glass slips from above
Slicing through her neck, head chopped off
It rolls out on to the street and rolls to my feet
And sneezes green slime on my shoes

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL FUNNY

Somebody gets dragged up the street, walking their dog;

Not funny any more, but then;
The dog snarling and frothing takes off at speed
His owner tries to hold on tightly to the lead
The owner lets go with a metallic clank
Having been dragged into a cast iron lamppost
The dog turns left and darts across the road
He causes a multiple vehicle collision
Three people have crashed through their windscreens
Laying bloodied and broken on the road
A passing policeman sees the crazed dog
He raises his weapon and shouts freeze
A frightened cat clamps on to his inner thigh
He accidentally shoots a black man with his hands up
Immediately a riot breaks out with much looting
The dog finally stops at the door to the butchers
He helps himself to a large quantity of sausages
He helps himself to a large flat screen TV
He makes it all the way home through the riot
And watches himself on a news report, CCTV
Then chokes to death on a stolen sausage

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL FUNNY!