Happy...Ever, After...

Right through the heart, no less.
A little bit like wishing on a star.
Fairy tales and ever afters;
nicely done...

Yup, bull's-eye...thank you sweetness always :)

Emotive write as per usual. Ty for sharing.

Thank you... I'm honored by your continued support :)

"Happy...
the heart pumps
'butterfly blood'
thru one's veins"

I looooove this.  Makes you want to whisper ..."butterfly blood"

I'm very flattered that you do! Thank you so much my dear, I truly appreciate you :)

Poetik..a beautiful poem:) admire your talent.

Thank you my dear Grace... I'm honored ... n grateful always... :)

Ahh, when the sparkle fades from the new and the rust starts to show?  If it just said Happily Ever and left off the After...That After is a killer.  Nicely spotted.  Enjoyed this one.  Loved the "butterfly blood!"

What is there indeed!?.... you have such a keen sense of the heart... thank you my friend, appreciate  you much :)

I really enjoyed both the form and content of this, Poetik. The cycle is evidently furbished by expectation, isn't it?

Because you have requested honest critique, and I'm attempting to both honor such requests and improve my own writing skills through them, I'll offer the following.

It's that 'EverAfter'

[first, I loved the marriage of the previous ever, after - as though the ending of a fairytale]

that'll gitcha
when it hit-ya

[These two lines were a bit dis-jointed for me. It sounds like the voice has changed drastically for the verse as a whole (think urban dictionary?). While I believe I understand what you were trying to do (I don't want to assume) I feel it would work much better with a more traditional ending, given the nature of the poem as a whole.

With the 'bullet'
that leaves the HOLE...

These two lines are great, but something is off. I believe it's the last line (although I do wonder why 'bullet' is emphasized. I feel the metaphor is apparent). I'm thinking a more solid shot - a direct hit. A zinger without the extraneous baggage - perhaps something like

[that'll get you
when it hits]
as a bullet
leaving a hole

Why is HOLE capitalized? For emphasis to demonstrate a BIG HOLE? The power of the verse dictates you really don't need it, as it seems more distracting.

These are just my opinions, so take them with a grain of salt. As previously stated, I really enjoyed the verse as a whole.

Ahavati, I'm deeply honored by both your presence n your commentary... n agree that the slang was odd (but I've always done off color, out of the box things in writing) n the HOLE, was exactly as u thought but again intentional... just happens to be a style I've picked up to intentionally stand apart from the commonly accepted styles of expression.
Again, I deeply appreciate your thoughts time :)

Interesting poem, very deep.
Great job babe, it was beautiful

Thank you my lil puddin cup... I'm happy you found it interesting... N I'm grateful for your sweetness n support always mmmuuaaah!!

Aww baby I love it when you get all mushy haha but I support every write you do sooo lol muah! Keep doing your thing 😊

I will try... ;)

PM!!! This write as a whole resonated with me...I exclaimed "eeesh" when done reading it...a good eeesh but a bad one because of what was conveyed. Felt this one deep.

xoxo Taryn

Yes I imagine you most especially could relate to that naive...fairy tale n what is generally the norm... over a period of time specifically... thank you my sweetness... grateful always :)

butterfly blood is a fucking genius image poe , like holy shit levels of fucking clever ltm
damn loved this!

Aaaaaawwwww... you know I'm like all mushed up inside now right!? Lol thank you Mami, deeply grateful for everything that is YOU :)

Thank you for this...the first lines grabbed me and are are so true. Spot on!  
That ever elusive 'seam'
we look, we find, love...

yet, it's not very often
or ever,  what we dream...
Wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you my sweetness... truly honored by your visit n support...

Always aware of that damn bullet! Amazing, honey!

Yup that damn bullet is right! lol thank you my dear sweetie.. truly n always appreciate your continued support :)

Boooooooom!!!!! Loved it!!!!

Aaaaaaawwwww.... thank you! :)

When the shine wears off of love it's the worst time in the world. Trying to decide whether to hurt someone and leave if you're unhappy or hoping that you don't get hurt if you stay. That ever after is a bitch.
Excellent write, I really enjoyed it.

John

Yup, I'd say you just nailed it my friend! Thank you for the very astute observation n comment... greatly appreciate it, n honored :)

Love- a spiral that grinds hearts drains souls and leaves minds spinning in awe! Your poem shows love through the thrill of an elastic bandage stretching to the max only slapping one back as it returns to its initial size. Yes it's ironically devastating amusing and that the same time crazy. Thanks for sharing. Loved the play on rhyme, the surprises. Kept me on my toes the whole time.

What an awesome comment!! Deeply honored n very flattered NY sweetness... truly appreciate the support :)