deepundergroundpoetry.com
[ SK ] No One Home
This is God's house
He doesn't live here anymore
And If he did
I doubt he'd answer
your knockings at the door
Abandoned
just an empty turtle shell
Welcome to Hell on Earth
Pray tell
Do you have anything of worth
to sell me today?
We all live in
a world stranger than fiction
as the hour grows late
between Destiny and Fate
does the red rose grow
Watch as the flower blooms
below
Above
a dark tower looms
Gan loves you
Gan loves you not
Gan loves you
Which do you suppose is true?
Published 8th Mar 2017
| Edited 27th Oct 2021
Author's Note
inspired by Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series, which I'm nowhere near finished with reading
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 9
reads 698
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Mar 2017 9:12pm
I'm so glad to see you pick this series back up. This one leaves you hanging on that daisy petal, afraid to pluck, afraid to know...
Metaphorically this dove hard and deep in today's waters and made me think of a biblical verse about the contents of the cup being dirty despite the silver glistening. Or, I say silver, anyway. It's so applicable in these times we live it's scary.
I've read and reread, and the only critique I can offer is the lack of capitalization on 'Watch' and 'Above'. They seem to stand on their own thought while not directly connected to the previous.
Earth, Destiny, Fate - all deserve their titles. I always enjoy how you personify them through such.
Does he
Does he not
Does he...
Metaphorically this dove hard and deep in today's waters and made me think of a biblical verse about the contents of the cup being dirty despite the silver glistening. Or, I say silver, anyway. It's so applicable in these times we live it's scary.
I've read and reread, and the only critique I can offer is the lack of capitalization on 'Watch' and 'Above'. They seem to stand on their own thought while not directly connected to the previous.
Earth, Destiny, Fate - all deserve their titles. I always enjoy how you personify them through such.
Does he
Does he not
Does he...
8th Mar 2017 9:25pm
Poetic license? Licensed to ill. Blame it on a brain aflame. Perhaps I should wait until I dip below 98.6 before I resume poeticizing.
8th Mar 2017 9:28pm
I always write best at 96.2. But that's me. You may be a bit different, being a male and all. :D
Fixed.
Happy now?
She takes time to read and nag me about my poems
out of a schedule so busy, my head spins willy nilly
like a Magnetron writing silly palindromes
Happy now?
She takes time to read and nag me about my poems
out of a schedule so busy, my head spins willy nilly
like a Magnetron writing silly palindromes
8th Mar 2017 10:37pm
13th Mar 2017 2:25pm
Reads really well, punchily and purposefully - spot on with the subject matter and angle of approach.
14th Mar 2017 12:18pm
Thanks for reading, Josh. Without fully knowing the Dark Tower story, this was a gamble.
13th Mar 2017 5:41pm
As I was reading this I wondered if you were thinking of King's Dark Tower novels, so it was nice for that suspicion to be confirmed! (I'm not ALWAYS wrong, which is always nice to hear haha.) I think to improve this poem you could try adding some more imagery, and maybe a few longer, denser verses. But the narrative voice had a good salty quality - you clearly have an ear for dialogue - and this is an interesting piece. Critique is, of course, JMHO.
14th Mar 2017 12:15pm
A critique in the form of JYHO is the best comment you can give me. When I finish reading the DT series, I'll likely revisit this with more in mind to add. Thank you.
