Disorientation

Tonight I have  
Chosen to drink and  
Think of you.  
 
Tonight I am whole in the  
emptiness deep within and  
I do not care if I'm on pills  
and I shouldn't be  
Drinking.
 
Your name is acid to utter  
Cancer to hear,
I wrecked everything  
& nothing all at once  
 
But  
 
It scares me to know
that I am a puppet on  
A string and that  
The master of the strings  
doesn't even know who  
lies on the other end  
whose strings he pulls.
 
All I wanted  
was to say goodbye
but you left silently
no words, no baggage
no past that I was  
aware of and
Your future stretched out  
like heaven  
ready to welcome  
You.