Forbidden

I wish i knew
that your laugh had
auras of its own.

Your absence
has spawned an abscess
in the crux of my heart.

but we weren't
anything.

I'm the student
at the back of the class
throwing innuendos at her friends

You,
Your accent
Your laugh
(oh God, your laugh)
are all memories now
it's been four months

I wish you knew
you became hope
when I had none
the reason to turn up
to classes when all
I wanted to do was
fade away into the abyss
of a phantom-bond

to build
us
up in my head
where I had no distractions.

I wonder if you
have a wife, kids,
whether you're from where i'm from
or further out.

I fear you feeling cold
I fear you having fears
I fear never knowing
anything I want to know

because
you're
  g o n e...