Loving My Ex

What is real?
I cannot feel,
with this heart of steel.
Hope betrays and sickens my heart,
When darkness descends on every part,
of what was once a forgone conclusion.
Born of a rush of expectation,
Now drowned in much frustration,
I cannot see what once I saw.
What is real?
It isn't shown,
to this heart of stone.
Before, there was no confusion,
Yet now, I fear I've found,
Nothing but a fool's illusion.
What is real?
It's hidden now,
to a heart that bows,
and bends, but will not break,
Numb with the pain of loneliness,
Feeling the pressure of what's at stake,
Burdened with trying to find some reason,
To keep hoping from season to season,
That what once was, can be again,
Idolizing the life that was then,
And wanting in the end,
to scream,
Afraid of finding it was just a dream.
What is real?
I just don't know,
My heart wishes it was so,
That love and life that once existed,
would yet be real, and be better still,
with all the power of faith enlisted.