After the 1048th time

I am sitting in the rain
Crying for the 1048th time
Tears have lost their meaning
Now I cry and he doesn't see tears
Just water
I want the tears to roll of my cheeks
But they don't
They are stuck somewhere between the eyes and the chin
That's where they dry up

Meanwhile the anxiety stays with me
I can't throw it away
It stays with me
Expresses itself for a while
Then goes back inside
With new parasites of depression attached to it
They feed themselves with anxiety
They get stronger and stronger
Untill...
I don't know untill..
Every time I feel like I reached the ''untill''
Then the next day comes
And the meaning of untill changes