The Hospital (19th Feb 17)

This is stark and very strong.  The endless repetition of the existence and its bleakness is very well portrayed here.

Thank you very much for your comment, I'm really glad that's how it came across as that is what I was trying to do. X

this is really a remarkable write setting the tone and atmosphere of the place perfectly..

love Crim

Thank you so much for your kind comment!  I am proud of this one, I do feel it's one of my stronger writes. Xx

Hi Steff! I really appreciated your comments as a new member on some of my stuff (which you might have noticed I took down for a bit, but it should be back.)

I love sparse, powerful writing, and this is a good one from you. The end reminds me of Sylvia Plath's ending to "Surgeon at 2 a.m."

I walk among sleepers in gauze sarcophagi.
The red night lights are flat moons. They are dull with blood.
I am the sun, in my white coat,
Grey faces, shuttered by drugs, follow me like flowers.

Full link is here to her poem: http://www.agonia.net/index.php/poetry/113815/index.html

Wow that is an interesting observation to make because although it is titled "The Hospital" this is actually directed towards the mental health department and I know Sylvia Plath actually suffered mental health. I will definitely give the poem you reccomended a good read! Thanks Intractable 😊 and I look forward to seeing your rewrites. I always aim to be helpful and hope others will do the same for my writing. X

P. S I've had my writing compared to her before so I suspect I at least must be covering similar topics! X

This sent shivers down my spine. What a raw and honest piece. I've been through some of what's being explored in your poem and it makes me feel less alone knowing literature like yours exists to give the silent voices a place in society. Thank you for writing this xx

Undivided_praxis what a kind comment to leave me. Thank-you! I'm really glad you feel that way as my main desire is to reach people in these situations that I have faced myself. Mental health care is a frustrating battle and the exact point of this is that not everyone has the capacity or ability to speak up about it. Thank-you,  again. Xx

very intense, and makes one think. Kevin

Thanks Kevin! X