deepundergroundpoetry.com
Afternoon Victories
It may be raining outside, droplets forming, dripping down,
But they can't compete with the sweet scent of victory.
Even the wetness on my window can't keep up,
Especially with my lover, burying his head inside;
Nuzzling, licking, touching; enticing me -
To the rhythm of the rain.
Sensuality heightens as I soak up the vibe...
The rain falls harder as does my lover.
With the anticipation of what is coming,
My legs open wider.
I can feel his wet tongue on my bud,
Lapping up the moisture.
The gentle groans of pleasure lessen,
As the height of ecstasy's slowly reached.
I lay there, quivering a moment,
And I think...
'Let these victories keep on coming!'
In every sense of the word.
But they can't compete with the sweet scent of victory.
Even the wetness on my window can't keep up,
Especially with my lover, burying his head inside;
Nuzzling, licking, touching; enticing me -
To the rhythm of the rain.
Sensuality heightens as I soak up the vibe...
The rain falls harder as does my lover.
With the anticipation of what is coming,
My legs open wider.
I can feel his wet tongue on my bud,
Lapping up the moisture.
The gentle groans of pleasure lessen,
As the height of ecstasy's slowly reached.
I lay there, quivering a moment,
And I think...
'Let these victories keep on coming!'
In every sense of the word.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 22
reads 1453
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Afternoon Victories
15th Feb 2017 11:12am
I found this poem to be very sensual with a strong opening. Personally when you write how the rain "heightens the sensuality" that had already come across and you'd already successful set a sensual tone so I don't think you needed to spell that out for the reader. A good poem and good imagery and I also like your way with words, your description isn't too explicit. X
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Re. Afternoon Victories
15th Feb 2017 12:07pm
Thanks for your honest assessment Stephanie. I can see how this poem might be overly repetitive. I have made some adjustments, following your recommendations & feel happier with it.
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Anonymous
19th Feb 2017 1:40am
Welcome to DU Purple!! I've enjoyed this sexy ink........you written such a classy erotic ink......BRAVO!! Purple luv & hugs xo :)
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Re. Afternoon Victories
19th Feb 2017 2:04am
Thank you very much for your positive comment & the welcome. Purple is the best. xx
Re. Afternoon Victories
22nd Feb 2017 10:29pm
I like that you've used the 'rain' to heightened the intenseness of those moments...on reading it a number of times I wonder if the last sentence is necessary...I enjoyed this read Purpleheart...and welcome to DU... :-)
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Re. Afternoon Victories
22nd Feb 2017 10:53pm
Thank you Kate for reading and your comment. I will have another read of that last sentence and thanks for the welcome to DUP.
Re. Afternoon Victories
Anonymous
23rd Mar 2017 11:17pm
I gotta say this is a classy erotic poem and I like it. The picture just seems perfect with the poem. It just fits...after I read the poem and looked back at the picture - my thoughts see it as a view the lovers would see from their bed as they lay together, satisfied, tired, and happy. You know you are a good writer if you can provoke that type of image that quick. :)
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Re: Re. Afternoon Victories
24th Mar 2017 00:34am
Thank you so much for your great comments. I am glad you liked it and your comment at the end was so very kind and appreciated,
Re. Afternoon Victories
29th Mar 2017 1:39am
Re: Re. Afternoon Victories
29th Mar 2017 6:11pm
Re. Afternoon Victories
9th Apr 2017 9:19pm
i too loved the use of rain as an accompaniment to the afternoon delights described here. both moist and rhythmic...a great soundtrack. here's to your continued success!
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Re: Re. Afternoon Victories
9th Apr 2017 9:28pm
The rain seemed to fit the occasion rather well. Thanks for the nice comment.
Anonymous
- Edited 11th May 2018 11:47am
3rd Jun 2017 3:59am
<< post removed >>
Re. Afternoon Victories
3rd Jun 2017 12:16pm
Intellectual? Why of course. Thank you for noticing, lol. But seriously, thank you. Your comment is appreciated. I had some inspiration from the rain with this write combined with my favourite soccer team having just won their game. A win-win situation really.
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Anonymous
- Edited 7th Sep 2022 7:45pm
6th Sep 2017 8:51pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Afternoon Victories
6th Sep 2017 8:57pm