40 years Father Son

40 years has passed not a word has been spoken
I broke the ice more than twice in my life
I waited for tomorrow which in turn become today
Suppose you did just the same but it is just a crying shame
I was a boy & I grew into a man without you there
Now I swallowed a manís pride to write to your
Writing a letter not knowing what to say to you
Mixed feelings of not knowing what I am supposed to do or say
Not sure if I feel a sons feelings for his father how do I take that
Pushed myself to write this to you trying to tell you the man I have grown into
Many things have happened in my life I have 3 step kids and a ex wife
I am dealing with a break up and the loss of the kids now this
Not sure which way to turn donít know if calling you Dad is the right thing to do
If I donít call you Dad then I have not grown up but a fathers title is not a right ?
Grabbing at memories that are not even there writing this to try and make you see
I am a man with a mother passed brothers and a Sister they are all over the
place & no memories of a Dad
What does my father know about the world what can he teach me
A fathers wisdom not passed down will the young man learn without him
I need to ask you what I was supposed to do when I needed A fathers wisdom
I hated you when I was young I never had a Dad to say he was proud of me
Never felt I would feel so empty in side now that I have found you my father
Trying to find out about my past not knowing if I should even ask
They say Dad that some things are better left unsaid is this a fathers wisdom
I have 3 step kids that I canít give a fathers wisdom to what am I spouse to do Dad
How can I have lost feelings Dad if I have never had you there to begin with
I have no doubt that you are struggling too as wasted years went by
You not knowing which way to turn as you had your own life to lead
Now I have grown in to a man I think I am wise for my age with all the trials that I have been through and am going through right now
I sent you a letter not long ago and I got a reply I was a bit disappointed thought there would have been more
Seems you want me to forgive you for not being there when I was young I forgave you a long time ago does this make me a better man
We have spoken on the phone & you tell me that you never stopped loving me but you walked the day I was born
That was the last you saw of me,
Mum sayís you were a bad man you beat her & even slept around on her can you see what I am trying to say
All I ever wanted was for you to be there & be a man maybe I would not be who I am today ?

A poem to my father of 40 years that I have yet to met !!!
Written by EpicUtester69 (Just a simple poet)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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