DOLPHIN IN ME  (10-11-89, San Diego, California)

 
staring out    
at this now      
calm sea    
upon its dull    
gray slate    
i dream    
of sweet      
release into      
gentle peace    
where soon    
i find myself    
wondering    
if a flawless    
new vision    
of passion    
and devotion    
will ever      
come sailing      
even keeled    
effortlessly    
inspired    
up out of    
the unseen    
breathless    
depths of      
me again      
onto the    
barren  beckoning  
canvasses  
of all these    
fickle  waiting    
empty paper    
terrains    
upon which      
i may release    
all my futile    
vanities    
of self defensive    
self defeative    
inner fears    
into their    
neutral  ever      
yielding ears    
hounded by    
impatience    
and my      
weak kneed    
lack of belief    
in myself    
wherein the      
unseen sun      
both rises      
and sets    
upon my    
too long    
hidden    
historically   
tainted    
human dignity    
as the      
outer world      
looks on    
seeing nothing    
or seeing      
only this      
shattered      
reflective mirror      
of the man      
i once thought    
and believed    
i used      
to be    
was  
and still am  
still this    
sad ocean      
awaits      
without judgment    
so patiently    
reflecting      
through all    
my ongoing    
mistakes      
leaving me    
to wonder    
here      
if dolphins    
will ever    
arise      
to breach      
and breathe    
new breath    
into my ever    
longing heart    
of open    
spirit again    
here amid    
so much    
relentless    
human waste    
and countless    
other forms    
of disconnected    
destructive      
spirit    
poisoning    
leaving me to      
wonder more    
if true beauty    
will ever      
survive here      
reborn    
from a place    
soul deep    
within      
will our eyes    
minds and      
our hearts      
ever fully  
drink in      
its truth  
beyond    
mere dream  
of its healing      
light again      
this is what      
i last recall      
thinking    
when i awoke      
from my sleep    
late last night    
just as i    
had resurfaced    
for yet another    
fresh breath    
of lifes sweet    
conscious  
air again    
there in my      
dreams    
just as      
here in      
my life    
as well    
where often  
it seems    
and at times  
i feel  
i might be    
part cetacean    
myself
either in my    
present lifes    
incarnation    
or some other    
lifetime before    
for i cant    
help    
but sense    
feel and notice    
these things    
in my wild  
free    
untamed  
day to day    
lifes  
ever deepening  
journey  
as i move  
through its  
continuously flowing  
fluidly pulling  
at times  
resistant  
peaceful  
and turbulent  
inner and outer  
currents  
which this virtual  
boundless  
vast sea  
of lifes greater  
collective  
ongoing  
mass  
spiritual journey  
truly is
beyond what  
its presently  
still delusional  
human interpretations  
self destructive  
illusory  
false story  
still  
so blindly
and tragically  
clings to
unable to see
through or beyond
the fatal
morbidly cancerous
self serving
soul level
illness
it is
and may continue
to be
right up to
its hellish end
but hopefully
only for them
and for those
who cannot
or who refuse
to see
alone
but alas
now know
that time
draws
ever nearer
for us all
for in the
long run sum
of all truths
known
they
and we
everything
and all
are truly
one