Who Am I Living For?

I can barely stand on my two feet anymore,
I get up out of bed and I look in the mirror and I can barely recognize the reflection that's staring back at me.
Everyday I try getting by and always feel like the world's on my shoulders,
Everyone's always leaning on me, making me feel like I have one shot before it's too late to make this right.
Yet no one cares to know that every night I cry curled up in my sleep wondering if there was someone out there who cared?.
Someone who was willing to be there?,
Someone who could share my pain?,
Someone to bare their cross?,
Someone who wouldn't judge me for anything?;
Is there anybody like that out there?.
I don't know myself anymore, I let myself escape from existence as she head off to be free.
And I don't blame her because I should of went with her.
Not lost my head in oblivion then given up and let them take it to grief stricken solitude.
Locking away my dreams and my fantasies then taking my every bit of happiness while finally taking my will to survive.
Gave up my freedom for you and all you give me in return is pain as you bruise me with your tongue lashing then beat me with your cruelty then kill me with your fists.
You never cared about me you only cared about the bottle,
You never truly loved me you only loved yourself and your memories.
No one knows who I am, no one wants to know so I keep them at a distance so they can never destroy me.
Call me paranoid,
Call me untrusting, but I've been stabbed in the back repeatedly by those who told me they loved me, who told me they would never lie to me or hurt me or try to deceive me and yet still went and did it.
Then you have the nerve to turn on me as well.
You are no different from them as you promised me you'd be good to me when all I've known was others treating me differently.
Tell me when will I know happiness?,
When will I experience the warmth of someone's heart touching mine?,
When will I be able to finally say " I am free"?
And when can I finally say " I can freely be me"?.