deepundergroundpoetry.com

free kisses

always
we are told
a first kiss is something amazing
fireworks, sparks, magic

but too many times
it is only
something to choke the loneliness
smoke, ashes, reality

expectations
built and not met
hopes
held high then forgotten

but then
when time passes for too long
and leaves only a question
"what's wrong with me"

when no one makes us special
makes us feel wanted
we grow desperate
desperate to feel like we are normal
we forget it's meant to be special
or maybe we just don't care

because really, magic isn't real
love is a joke
we just don't want to feel wrong
so we stop waiting
we start trying, trying too hard

we stop treating it like something precious
and start thinking of it as payment
a bribe we can give out to buy normality
our kisses are handed out to everyone
like candy on halloween
and empty wrappers litter the floor by our beds

we grow addicted to the sugar rush
of feeling wanted for the night
but the fireworks are only there in the dark
and when the sun rises it casts only shadows
it's almost what you want

but you are a paper doll
and these sparks are out of your control
they catch on your fragile so fragile skin
you burn but you are addicted to the warmth
the heat of skin that feels wrong against your own
but at least there is skin against your own
and you tell yourself this is right
this is what you waited all those years for

one day when someone comes along
and you do feel the magic
you will run
because magic isn't real
and you're afraid that the sparks in their eyes
will catch on your skin
and you will burn up again like so many times before