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Image for the poem I Suggest 'you' Not Read This...Just Keep It Movin'....K?

I Suggest 'you' Not Read This...Just Keep It Movin'....K?

...Okaaaay...  

...'you' Were Warned...
 

so, I'm having a moment  
it's a moment that I wish  
not to encounter
knowing I am completely alone  
in feeling the way I do...  
but  
I'm simply unable to shake it  
because  
an anniversary of sorts is coming...  

[although, I'm probably  
the only one  
to even take any notice...]
 

so how about tonight we  
color my hair tangerine?  
then put me under a spell,  
never again to recognize  
or remember a single thing?  

my pain is simply maddening  
amplified  
feeling disemboweled  
heart and soul, every vital organ tangled  
within tattooed trembling hands  

everything has vanished  
gone without a trace...  

yeah,  
I feel as if a nameless whore  
who did nothing  
but fill voided space  

[is there a polite way for me to say "why, thank you?"]  

at least let me see it  
for fuck sake
say it loud and proud  
declare me for what I really was  
so I can bury you underground  

[I need something  
to make me terminally hate you...]  

how I need to hear from you  
all the passions which were felt to rage,  
the all encompassing  
unconditional acceptance given,  
was the perfect mask to cover your pain  

[I suppose that's what my mouth did...  
when over top swallowing  
what convulsed from your vein?...]  

me with my apologies
[for WHAT I'll never know]  

me with all of my understanding  
[unequivocally,  
the likes of no other known...]  
has gotten me nothing  
not a god damned fucking thing...  
except perhaps  
when my ass was raised  
gliding on your cock  
for a helluva ramming  
[I guess I should give thanks  
for the multiple orgasms  
and knowing clearly now  
I was a delusional asshole...]  

did I mention how lovely it was  
when those tables were turned,  
as you assigned blame  
to me  
for my pain...?  

in the morning when I'm sober  
will I regret this fucking post?  
the answer to that is 'likely',  
but right now I don't even give a 1/4 fuck  

why should I?  
you sure as hell don't and haven't...  

I suppose this just shows my 'human'...  

it shows I can be truly hurt  
it shows beautiful can be made to feel ugly  
it shows I can sometimes frown  
it shows I'm not always happy go lucky  

it's not always rainbows and fucking sunshine
it shows my struggle with all my broken  
destroyed throughout each and every layer  
insides torn to shreds are my only token
 

And as I sit here debating...  

I have only ONE concern...  

Him...  

i can only think
with this weakness of mine...
is it possible i could
disappoint Him?  

so i say this to Him  
with eyes downcast  
shedding tears  
upon my knees...  

i'm sorry...  

i'm sorry  
for this  
and as well as for 'that' in the past...  

i want him to just go away  
i want to rid him from my mind  
i want to go back 15 months  
rewinding the clock  
and become Clementine...  

please forgive me...
 

Copyright 2017 Schiitaryn McKenna. All Rights Reserved
Taryn
Written by Taryn
Published
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