On Gentileschi's "Susanna and the Elders"

Jack

that, dear fellow, was a pleasure to read. it is, in itself, a masterpiece ( you'll have to forgive the neo-liberal use of commas ..I think I caught asthma)

anyhow, a funny thing :  opened it on my phone,  page opened with half the picture on the screen, it looked like the guy in the red was doing something completely different

good stuff, Heslop

Well, in the story, both men are wicked perverts, so it wouldn't surprise me if he was on the fiddle, if you know what I mean...

just noticed the comma skit could have been perceived as a poke at your punctuation. ...believe me man, if I wanted to poke your exclamation mark..

hahaha I didn't take it that way (no pun intended), I assure you.

First, that's one of my favorite paintings because it depicts in such a simplistic image the hearts of judgmental men toward youthful innocence. I love your verses on art particularly, as images are a heavy portion of my portfolio writes. They seem to strike a cord of recognition and original thought between history and present.

That being said, I'd suggest a revision to this:

The stone divider
between Susanna's garden and the world
collapses in its duty, as grotesque and hateful
men leer down from the blank, blind-eyed sky,
invading the stone garden.

The double use of stone and garden seemed to anticlimax the originality of the write for me. Perhaps if you could use wall in place of the last garden. You've already depicted the stone was a divider between the garden and the world at the beginning; therefore, saying it twice is redundant as well. It would also add some alliteration to "ear" in the following line (read aloud it strangely works).

In regards to commas, are they really needed at the end of lines, considering the end of lines typically signifies a natural pause? (Just asking.)

Overall I loved the verse. That final line is impeccable in its truth regarding the seeming blindness of God to man.

Thank you for your great critique and kind words, Ahavati! I like to use repetition in poems, but I see your point and think I may have been too repetitive this time. As for commas, I use punctuation in my poems the way I would in prose, so each sentence makes grammatical sense whichever way you view it. Unless, that is, I eschew punctuation completely as part of the style. I do tend to over-use commas, though, in poetry and prose.

Thank you again for your very perceptive and helpful advice, I truly appreciate it.

punctuation is tricky, I think you're right, either
it should be used as one would in prose, or else
completely ignored, unless of course there is a
'poetical punctuation' all its own...

The idea of a "poetical punctuation" is interesting. I think if you could use punctuation marks in a consistent yet idiosyncratic way, that would work.

I have literally Apocryphal Bible story and agree with the foregoing comments. A parody of "Oh Susanna" came to mind as what their proposition might have been:

"Oh Susanna, will you lie with me? You look such a lovely bit of stuff in your nudity!"

Your descriptions bring the art to life.
Really enjoyed this:
'The burning sun excludes even God and His prophets.'

A pleasure reading...

much here to reflect on poem painting and the painter herself - whose ordeal is shadowed here.

an intriguing write much enjoyed

Congratulations! This poem has been nominated for Deep Underground Poetry's Featured Poem of the Month Competition. You may view the nomination at the link below, and will be notified if selected.  

https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/9430/

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This is great. I like how you put this together. Your words bring light to the art and vice versa.