friend, yours is in the mail

Friend,
has anyone sent you your information packet on
living forever?
There is no obligation.
Only 9.99 per month
and your rates will never increase
(limited coverage for the first seventeen years)

Friend,
Act now
before you wait
There are trousers in the air
The day is young

The fruit on the tree is waiting to be picked
it is sweet and nourishing
through the process of evolution,
it benefits when you eat it, and plant its
children.
It is the least it could do to cure your cancer,
restore your health and fitness,
make you extra smart

All because you took the time to
eat it.

And the name of the miracle fruiter is...
Drum roll please...