deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hey saviours
Hey saviours of mankind
Hey saviours of the universe
Pause for a moment
I wish to converse.
You've plundered many a nations
With your fatal inventions
You've armed little children
With your wicked intentions.
I am not scared of your bomb
I am not scared of your guillotine
I fear not your death squad
I am tormented by your
creation called God
Hey saviours of the universe
Pause for a moment
I wish to converse.
You've plundered many a nations
With your fatal inventions
You've armed little children
With your wicked intentions.
I am not scared of your bomb
I am not scared of your guillotine
I fear not your death squad
I am tormented by your
creation called God
Published 3rd Jan 2017
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comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Jan 2017 7:36pm
I really like this. It seems like you took the time to really choose your words. They all carry a power to them...except for one.
"You've armed little children"
I think that the word 'little' carries very little power with it in this case. When you say the word "children", the average reader already assume that children are little. Kind of redundant in my bullshit opinion. And, yes, my opinion should mean nothing to you...haha... do with it as you wish.
Welcome to DU
"You've armed little children"
I think that the word 'little' carries very little power with it in this case. When you say the word "children", the average reader already assume that children are little. Kind of redundant in my bullshit opinion. And, yes, my opinion should mean nothing to you...haha... do with it as you wish.
Welcome to DU
3rd Jan 2017 7:43pm
Hi josiah,
Every opinion matters . What you pointed out is valid and it's not bullshit . I am new to writing, but being new is certainly no excuse. I am here to learn. Thank you for your valuable suggestion.
Every opinion matters . What you pointed out is valid and it's not bullshit . I am new to writing, but being new is certainly no excuse. I am here to learn. Thank you for your valuable suggestion.
3rd Jan 2017 9:59pm
Wow! What an improvement, Dropout! This is really good in both form and sentiment.
4th Jan 2017 00:37am
